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'Look at his wild eyes; he’s mad'.

I distinctly remember my brother and my mother looking at me and saying those words. I must have been around thirteen or fourteen. They were both sitting on the sofa and I was in the middle of the room

I didn’t understand what they meant, I hade a point to make and I was making it but they seemed to be more interested in my behaviour than my message.

I was diagnosed as bi-polar last summer following a final breakdown - although it transpires I have probably had it since my late teens, early twenties. The one thing that surprised me was how my whole life suddenly made sense and everything dropped into place.

It answered so many questions about the person I had been and some of the decisions I had made throughout my life.

With a diagnosis of bipolar and borderline personality disorder, I have managed my mental health pretty well over the years, even if I do say so myself. I have stayed employed, volunteered for charity and even found someone to marry me! And the one person who has been there every step of the way is, of course, my mum. Supportive, often humorous and always on my side, my mum Chris is an inspiring woman in so many ways, however one instance springs to mind when I think of how much I still need her, even though I am a grown woman with a home and life of my own now.

The year was 2004. I had not long ago had a breakdown and had been diagnosed with Bipolar II. I was 31 and my world had been turned upside down. I had worked from the age of 9 and by this point I had gone on sick leave from a lousy job that I invested long hours in. Most of my friends and family had turned their backs on me. I hated men after having been in many unhealthy relationships.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A man walks into a bar, there’s a bowl of peanuts next to him; just as he’s about to order a drink the peanuts speak to him, ‘Gosh you’re beautiful,’ they say. Bemused by this he walks away and stands by the juke box which, as he arrives, says, ‘Man, you’re ugly.’ Indignant and fully disturbed he goes back to the barman and tells him, ‘the peanuts have just told me that I’m beautiful and the juke box have said I’m ugly. ‘Yes’ the barman says, ‘the peanuts are complimentary and the juke box is out of order’

A funny thing happened to me last year. It didn’t start out funny, in fact in started out pretty awfully really.

I can still remember the silverware sitting on my plate as I fidgeted with my napkin, before turning to my three dear friends sat at the table with me. 

“I went to the doctor this week.  I have something to tell you...”  my voice croaked. 

I am subject to a gagging order. My employers thought it prudent to offer me a settlement and silence me by contract to ensure that I never utter a seditious line.

So here we go. I will tell you what I know.

For eight years I worked as a teacher. I was considered popular, if a little eccentric, with staff and students alike. Management had even described me as inspirational! I was involved in all aspects of the work from classroom teaching to organising school sports teams, overseas trips and excursions in the great outdoors.

I have been meaning to write a blog about the Time To Change roadshow in Exeter for a while. Now I’ve come to do it I actually feel that the times has given me better reflections than if I’d done it earlier on.

Mental health challenges have affected my employment (and employability) ever since I was unceremoniously discharged from the army following a dramatic breakdown at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst. Within hours I was hospitalised and subsequently diagnosed with schizophrenia aged just eighteen.

"Catherine Zeta-Jones has seemingly joined ‘the club’ - a club to which approximately 1% of the world’s population belongs.  As a member of this almost universally misunderstood guild, I read about Ms Zeta-Jones’ voluntary admission to a mental health facility this week for the treatment of what has been described as Bipolar Disorder II with interest. 

Stephen Fry has experienced mental health problems for much of his life. But it wasn't until he was 37 that he was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. "I'd never heard the word before, but for the first time I had a diagnosis that explains the massive highs and miserable lows I've lived with all my life."