Depression: I decided to tell close friends
There has been a reasonable amount of dark in my experience of depression and anxiety. I don’t think any amount of understanding or insight can prepare you for how it really feels to have depression.
For me, at times, there was such darkness that I couldn’t believe anything would be good again. However, having gone through the recovery process, there has been one positive from it all, which is something I definitely didn’t expect.
I went through the lead up to diagnosis with my family, who have always been incredibly supportive so I was really lucky to have them there for me. Once diagnosed, I also decided to tell close friends, as they had known I was struggling, so I felt they would understand. I am lucky in that no-one has reacted in a negative way to me telling them or talking about my mental health.
I started to hear from friends and family with similar experiences
I think that is also because I chose carefully who to talk to. In fact, the more people I shared it with, the more I started to hear from friends and family who had experienced something similar and who I was able to share my thoughts and feelings with. I massively value the support I have from everyone, but there is nothing that quite compares to talking to people who have been there and felt the same or similar emotions, had the same thoughts as you have. Only this week I received a message from a friend who had suffered from anxiety and panic attacks, offering support and a chat any time, as a result of me sharing a blog from Time to Change on Facebook.
Not everyone has the same experience of course. A friend of mine had also been diagnosed with depression around the same time as I was, for completely different reasons, and instead of finding it supportive, I almost felt more isolated as I felt there was little about their experience that I could identify with. So of course each of our journeys is our own, but now I find it incredibly reassuring to know there are certain people I can go to, when the general support from friends isn’t quite enough.
I have to remind myself that their intention is to help
I have noticed a difference between support from people who have had depression/anxiety and those who haven’t. It isn’t that I value their support any less, but I know before I had depression I didn’t really know what it’s like to have it, and also to live with it 24/7. At times when I feel they don’t understand, I have to remind myself that it isn’t for a lack of trying and that their intention is still to help, even if that is not the result for me.
With those who have experienced something similar, I think knowing that they have shared those darkest feelings or a similar struggle, brings you closer on some level, that there is an understanding you don’t have to articulate with words. That is the light for me which came from the darker parts of depression.
I am surprised to find myself writing about mental health
That is also why I think talking about mental health is so important. Of course, you don’t always have the energy for it. I am surprised to find myself wanting to write about it, I would never have considered it a few months ago. But now it is quite therapeutic and I hope other people can recognise something in this and find some hope from my experience. I never expected there to be a positive from such a difficult thing as depression but it is true that you never know what can arise from any situation.
I think there is still an underlying stigma surrounding mental health and I really like the ethos behind Time to Change as I hope this will highlight the true experience of having a mental health condition, and dispel some of the myths around it. From my experience I would say sharing your thoughts and feelings with the right person can have great benefits which will long outlive the negative experiences I had at the worst point of my depression.
What do you think about the issues raised in this blog?
Share your views with us on Twitter >>
Or sign our pledge wall to show your support and find out how talking tackles mental health discrimination.
Subscribe
Blog Categories
We are led by:
Comments
Same Boat
October last year i was diagnosed with severe depression and it has been one of the toughest times of my life, i very nearly lost everything, unfortunately i feel i may be slipping back into old ways with it but i know i need to move onwards from it if i can.
I have to say that you have been so lucky to have the support. My family found it exceptionally hard to deal with, as did my friends. I had been offered support by my doctors which i have to say really was not helpful, and what i found helped the most was talking to more people that i know, not neccessarily well but more people began to say how they had been the same, maybe not as bad. At the time it was hard to believe that things would get better, and i still have days where i struggle.
Some friends stuck by me even with the strain, others abandoned me when i was on the up which was destroying, and the people that said they valued me the most cut all contact.
But in truth the only thing that can really help is yourself, and something happened to me that snapped me out of the worse of it and made me stronger, but it very hard to not let it control me still
Anxiety & Depression
One of the problems I have had on my road to recovery has been the attitude of my employers. They went through the motions giving me councelling after over working me leading to extreme anxiety then left me alone leaving me feeling worthless and depression ensued. After several months I was pressurised into returning and after a few weeks given an ultimatum of return to full time teaching or have my job down graded.
My only recourse was to resign as I couldn't face arguments and pressure.
As a teacher in Further Education I was expected to empathise with learners, identify and help learners overcome thier physical and mental challenges, which I did and was commended for by my learners.
I am sad to say not only was I let down by my employers, trade union and professional governing body none of whom were interested to talk to me or give me guidance. My GP has been brilliant and my sister in law brought me a book which has been a great help on my road to recovery its 'Depressive Illnes' (The Curse of the Strong) by Dr Tim Cantopher. (ISBN 978-0-85969-974-7).
Hope this helps you as much as it has me. Best Wishes Phil
Anxiety & Depression
Teaching, especially in FE is one of the toughest jobs ever. I understand that you felt you had no choice but to resign. Sad because it's their loss as well as yours and mostly it's your learners who have lost a talented, able teacher.
I'm struggling with depression caused by work too and I'm off sick as a result. I feel trapped as if I go back it will only make me ill again.
You're not alone.
Best wishes
Terri
Anxiety & Depression
Hi Terri,
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I know it is a lonely place you're in at the moment and I really feel for you. I would recommend you read the book I was talking about I found it really uplifting. I found councilling and CBT helped me understand why I am the way I am but at 55 years old it is difficult to change so I'm looking to change the way I live and work to reduce the chances of encountering situations that could lead to anxiety.
The first step was to resign and although this may seem a drastic step I had to look at what I could change in the work environment. After going back and being pressurised within a short time to return to normal working I came to the conclusion that I couldn't change the work environment I was in so the only logical (slightly scarey step) was to leave. It was quite liberating in a way as I felt I was taking back control of my life rather then being driven.
My advice is talk to friends and family, go and talk to your employer (only when you feel able) but do so on the basis of you are in control and what you decide from that meeting will be your decision based on what is good for you! :0)
Best Wishes
Phil
how
sorry to ask how do you create a blog im new here
i understand
hi. i totally understand, i am at college and i am worried that my friends that i have made there will find out, they are really nice though because i told them i use to have depression and they always ask me how i am and i feel like i can talk to them and i have on a couple of occasions, but if they found out i had (schizophrenia)
omg it would be really awkward and god knows what they might think and if it will be spread throughout the rest of the college, i don't think i could take all those people pointing and talking about me like that (my idea of what might happen) and i'd be like the guy with the "disease" mental of course lol, but sometimes i think my freinds know more than what i think they do; maybe one of them heard about my past somehow (something else that has been really niggling me) and i feel like asking "what do you know?" or "what have you heard, who have you been talking to" it's pretty bad but i try and ignore it so it's not as bad, i have also been really tired in class and squinting my eyes and my eyes flicker sometimes and people must notice, find it hard to concentrate etc, idk if there will ever be a time where i can tell them, but i guess i am just waiting for the right time "if that ever happens" thanks for starting this blog, take care.
depression/ anxiety
hi there :) i have recently visited a very tough time in my life, always struggled to make what i call a true friend since my mum n dad split when i was young , i have never formed a close relationship since ! for fear of lod=sing people i get close to , i'm hoping people will chat on here and help me combat some of my fears and me thiers , now its time to change :) x thanks
Loneliness of depression
I think that for me the diagnosis of acute and severe depression was the equivalent of someone throwing me a life line. It was finally time to acknowledge depression, not fight the prejudice of my own mind but use it as a launch to reach out , explain and give life a better chance than I had until then. No kidding it can be the loneliest place to be but the courage it takes to share these kind of deep, dark and bleak feelings and still be there to greet a new day can only make you a more compassionate and rounded human being. The funny part is, it only takes one to start talking about mental health and you have the whole world, or so it seems, wanting to share with you. Depression = the horror of being abandoned to the silence of the noisy mind.
Thank you !
I definitely think this
I definitely think this highlights the importance of talking to the RIGHT people. I've had an experience in the past where I was forced out of my flat by my flatmates purely because of my mental health problems and I've always regretted telling them now and worry about telling anyone else, but this blog gives me hope that come the right person, it can pay off and finally outweigh the bad I've experienced! Thank you!
Post new comment