November 1, 2013

AmberWe are all subject to variations in moods but it is all too common to confuse feelings of unhappiness for depression and, therefore, consider it as something an individual can snap out of by pulling themselves together.

If only it was that simple, I would quite honestly take a few days of unhappiness over how I have felt for the past few months because I have felt unhappiness before and believe me the two are in no way comparable.

Unhappiness is a feeling that can be shaken off, often by putting things into perspective with your loved ones around you, but what if you can’t do this? Depression is no low mood; rather it is a medical condition that transforms your entire outlook on life.

There is so much I used to enjoy and so much I felt like I wanted to achieve but this part of me seems to have disappeared and is nowhere to be found at present. People ask me why. It is so difficult to explain to those that have not suffered with depression themselves as they think there must be a reason, something must have happened to make you feel this way but the truth of the matter is that I cannot explain it myself.

The only way I can attempt to is to ask you to imagine a haze that clouds your mind and consequently your judgment and that leaves you constantly in a state of confusion and despair. Unfortunately, I reacted as many do, and for a while blamed only me. Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me that I can’t just snap out of it? Feeling ashamed and considering depression as a sign of weakness, I put on a pretence. Once I grew tired of this pretence I excluded myself from social situations as much as possible but in doing so, only ended up hurting those I care most about.

Those that know me well would know that this is something I would never intentionally do and if I could go back and just confide in my loved ones, as I should have done from the start, things would have been a great deal easier and I would not have felt as though I was dealing with this alone.

So I urge everyone that is too afraid to speak out to find that courage deep within and openly admit, as I have done, that they suffer with depression and accept the help both medical and from loved ones. It may be difficult but it will all be worth it in the end. Those that truly care about you will stand by and support you and those that don’t, well, quite honestly, they’re the people you’re better off without. With the help that I am now receiving I know that soon I will be feeling a lot better and that life will be worth living again.

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