August 3, 2016

Depression is a silent killer

Just because you can't see or feel it doesn't mean it don't exist. Depression is a silent killer.

I'm 26 and suffered with mental illness most of my life, mainly with OCD which took over my life at times and mild depression where I was able to cope with it until just under two years ago when it all changed.

I don't want to go into too many details about what happened to me that triggered it off, but I'd hit rock bottom and I honestly couldn't see myself coming back from it, even people I loved thought I was gone.

I'd never imagined myself to self harm but that's what I started to do, I wanted to punish myself for feeling this low about life.

Shortly after my friend knocked on my door to see how I was doing, I tried to hide it from him, but he started asking questions. I'd never been in this situation before and I'm sure my friend hadn't either. This was my first experience of someone who was close to me seeing me suffer through my mental illness.

I deteriorated dramatically for two months after this and without my friends and family I don't think I would be here now. With different people I would react differently with them. I pushed my family away like my mum, brother and step dad, I didn't want them near me. With my friends I felt more comfortable but with only certain people, the most important thing was they were there.

I remember Christmas Eve, my work mates came to see me and tried talking sense into me but I sat there staring at the tv with no emotion. The more they spoke the more I zoned out, until I finally broke down in tears and cried for hours non stop. I literally didn't know what or where I was in life, I didn't know what to do. By being there for me, they started to realise how depression worked and that you can't just tell someone to get better.

When I finally went back to work I was broken, I had no energy, I could only work for four hours a day as my body and mind was that weak. One of my bosses at work told me that what he went through with me made him understand mental illness a lot and he learnt a lot from my situation. I know a lot of people have really bad experiences of talking about mental health at work, so this was a big positive. 

I found that different people react differently with you, some distance themselves from you, other are too pushy and ask you loads of questions and then you have the people who sit there and listen. None of them are right or wrong, it's just how people deal with it. For me, knowing they all had the same intentions of helping me get better meant the world. 

Running and boxing have helped too, I had a fight back in February, lost in a split decision but in my head I felt like I'd won the world title because I had achieved what I set out to do with support from the friends around me. 

Jay 

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Comments

Proud of you Jamie!

I couldn't be more proud of you Jamie! You're one of the most thoughtful and kindest people I know. You've been through your own trouble but you're always there to listen and help others. I feel privileged to have you as a friend :) xx

Good post

I've been severely depressed since I was first diagnosed as severe depression when I was 30, about 6 years ago. There have been times when I was unable to work because of the severity of the illness. Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone in my family and any friends who understood, or tried to, during these harsh times. I think I've been going through the loneliest time of my life. I recently got a job and an apartment here in Tokyo. My company decided to hire me despite my history of severe depression because the law in my country states big or middle-sized companies must hire disabled people, including mental ones, and the amount needs to be about 3 to 4 percent of the whole employees. It's probably safe to say that my company hired me not mainly because of my skills or work experience, but because they wanted to meet their goal of hiring enough disabled people to avoid the penalty. As soon as I started working at the company full-time (9 to 6), I realized the sad truth that most of the people with whom I work know almost nothing about mental illness. Because I joined the company as a disabled person, I often have one-on-ones with the senior worker who mainly teaches me about the job I do and the healthcare worker in the HR Department. One-on-ones with them always make me so irritated that I often get the urge to punch them in the face. When my depression takes its toll, all they do for me is give me the same old, completely useless cliches and advice such as "You should do such and such...", "You shouldn't feel that way, and instead..." That's why I've been terribly lonely since I started working. My family members have never been, and will never be, able to understand about mental illness, so the only person right now I can turn to in times of emotional crisis is my counselor. Then, I thought I would turn to the Internet for finding more people like me. This led me to finding this site and this blog post. It's always good to know there ARE people worldwide who suffer from my illness and share their experiences and feelings by writing about them. I think I'll stop by this site often for consolation. I really enjoyed reading this blog post. Thanks!

Really Enjoyed This.

Hi Jay, How are you doing today? I hope all is well. I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed your thoughts and I'm very proud of you of dealing with the illness of depression. I know that depression is definitely a weighty matter, I believe that my mother had dealt with it as well as my sister in law and just seeing them and being a good listener is one of the main things that helps them cope. If possible, I wanted to share a quick scripture with you....It is Psalm 27:14. That particular chapter focuses on depression and "depressed ones" and serves as a form of encouragement. It says "Hope in Jehovah; Be courageous and strong of heart. Yes, hope in Jehovah." As you know depression is an illness that can get the best of you. As you put your hope (a feeling of trust or expectation/desire) in Jehovah God, he helps to invigorate you with courage and strength to help you cope with depression. Once again, I really enjoyed your blog and if you ever need to chat, I am here. anthonymccreajr@gmail.com

Jay

Jay your an inspiration mate and seeing you go through hard times was hard for everyone, hard to believe that people who have a tough exterior sometimes are struggling Inside !! So proud of you and I'm happy that you have found your way .. On wards and upwards mukka x

Use of the photo

Hi Jay, I am blogging about my depression and your picture is perfect to for it. Could I use it in my post (in my blog)? Thanks, Daesy

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