It's never easy telling someone about your mental health. It's never easy trying to explain the heavy feeling in your chest, the lack of motivation you have, the heavy head and whirlwind of sad thoughts constantly sitting in the back of your head.
Having a dissociative disorder means that I haven't been myself for a long time. I feel like a mimic of myself. I'm a person trying my best to play ‘me’, when I haven't been properly briefed on who it is I'm meant to be playing. It's confusing to say the least.
When I first started battling with my mental health, I thought the mental illness would be the hardest thing to deal with - little did I know that other people’s reactions to said mental illness would make the battle into a war. Ultimately it feels like an attack on you, as your illness is part of who you are. In reality, it’s due to a lack of understanding.
This was what my colleague said to me, while I was explaining why I had to go home early from work that day. I had just finished crying and felt tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. I felt short of breath and panicky; what I imagine a mild heart attack might feel like. Guess I wasn’t explaining this clearly enough to him.
