May 30, 2013

There are some days when I still think, ‘I’m not depressed, I’m just lazy.’ But the truth of it is, I am. I am depressed. Yet saying it out loud makes me cringe every time.

I have told a few people, some were great and very understanding (unlike some my employer has been fantastic). My friends and family on the other hand well, like me, I don’t think they really have or will accept it.

It’s like the dirty secret I don’t talk about, no one ever asks me outright about it. But the person I’m most disappointed in is myself. I don’t understand. I’m actually scared of myself. I keep telling myself to ‘pull myself together’ and ‘just do it’.

Yet one week it took me 5 days to walk into town to return a pair of jeans. So lazy. So pathetic.

I've had bouts of depression since I was a teenager

Looking back I’ve had bouts of depression since I was a teenager but it never became as apparent as it is now. A year ago I left my now ex partner after 3 years in a relationship which was abusive and left me desperately unhappy. I thought it would pass, after all it was traumatic and we had lived together for the majority of that time. Break ups are hard but I’ll get over it won’t I? But I didn’t.

6 months later I was using alcohol as an escape, not turning up for work and not attending any of my university lectures. The moment finally came to head when I missed work for the 2nd time that week and an important meeting with my manager who had made an effort to see my especially.

I decided to make the brave decision to get help

I grabbed a train and headed home in the worst state I have ever felt, the only thing that gave me energy was to absorb myself with those I loved most. I survived. I came back to university, went to counselling and decided to make the brave decision and get help via medication.

Counselling really helped to reconnect with myself and take a look at what I was doing. I was shocked when my counsellor said I was ‘self harming’. Look mate, there are no scars on these wrists. However I was, by drinking. I would drink more than a weekly allowance in one night and put myself in some pretty risky situations. As a student however, no one bats an eye when you get hammered do they?

Depression shouldn't be a dirty word

I’m better now but I’m not ‘cured’. I still sleep a lot, sleep is my way of escaping the world. When I sleep I make no effort, my mind carries me wherever I want to go. I don’t have to pick up a textbook. I don’t have to talk to my friend. I don’t have to eat. When I wake it feels like I’ve been treading water for an eternity, I ache and my eyes are heavy.

But I’m not at the stage where I finally feel like I can start to come to terms with my illness. I’ve always considered myself quite an open, expressive and understanding person. I’ve had close friends who have experienced severe mental health problems and I’ve stuck by them, never judged them or thought any different of them. Depression shouldn’t be a dirty word and yet, I can feel my skin crawl as I say it. It’s time to change my view of mental illness.

I have depression. I have depression. I have depression.

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I really identify with this

Thanks for writing and sharing this Laura. As someone else who has struggled with depression for years I can really empathise. I also still have days where I think I'm just lazy, that I should just be able to get on with it. It didn't help that for years pre-diagnosis (and still sometimes since) other people have voiced this opinion. I'm really lucky now, I have friends who are amazingly supportive and a boyfriend who corrects me every time I refer to myself as lazy. He's always quick to sit me down, offer a cuddle and remind me that when I feel up to it I'm in fact the opposite to lazy. Which is not to say that he doesn't find my mental illness frustrating at times, particularly when it comes to making plans and being able to stick to them. Just that I am fortunate to have someone who recognises when I fall into negative thought patterns and does his best to help me through them. Accepting our own mental illness is a huge and necessary step towards recovery, I'm sure we'll both get there in time. I have depression too, and your post has really helped me today to admit that and be kind to myself. Thank you.

Well said

Well said. I have depression, and OCD, and spend lots of time thinking I'm just lazy and somehow that its just that i can't be bothered. Rather than accepting that its my depression that's stopping me doing things. I too have turned to excessive alcohol and to sleep to block everything out. It's not your fault, you are not lazy, you have depression.


Hi Lisa, I hope life is now better for you. Bless you :)


I can say with me it has to be depression, not being lazy. My way of life is a complete turn around. from the past, I've been a care giver to my mother, my husband, and held a full time job. I feel I was a good house keeper, cook, and mother. I may have always been somewhat depressed; but three years ago, it really kicked me in the butt. All the things I felt so good about, now mean very little. It's like something pulled a plug and life drained out of me. I see a councelor, primary doctor, have good family support, but nothing is the same. I started on a new path that ended with me having a round with PTSD. Seem like life's spark is lost and can't seem to find it. I know,''Get over it''. If it were that simple, I'd have done that......... .


Wow I can relate to all of you. nut I can relate to this one the most . I feel you on that i feel as like I just got burned out on liffe and it sucks. I try to se couselors but i never stick.. for a while I would spend weceks sleeping and eating oppose to

I feel the same

I have OCPD,OCD and Depression, I haven't spoken to some family members for years as they just won't accept how I am, my OCPD makes me depressed, and I get the feeling of I'm not depressed just lazy also, I have suffered on and off for 20 years and I'm finally ready to get the help I need, and move forward instead of the treading water! Well Done for sharing this, even though it feels like you're alone you are not.


Are, the sleep, sleep sleeping I love to sleep, sleep is where you dont have to worry, or think, or do anything wrong, sleep is my safe place. My mum always used to tell me I was lazy so I thought I was, but guess what, nope I am ill, even my children have asked my why I slept so much, "it because I am tired" I told them, they accepted that, but what they did/do not realise is HOW tired I and and WHAT I am tired of bless them, I hope they never get depression.


my son has depression, and has had it for years, Thankfully we both have amazing friends, his are young, he was only 15 when it all started, but they have stood by him and when he is able to see them they are there and when he isn't they don't judge but just give him the space he needs. I truly believe that without by friends I coudnt have got him and me through it, there were times when he couldn't be left alone even for a minute incase he did himself some harm, this was my first dealing with depression, however since he has been ill and I have been open about it, (telling people isn't easy as a lot seem to be embarrassed by it I am amazed by the amount of people who admit to me that they or someone they love is also suffering. It is time that this illness is recognised as nothing to be ashamed of and more help out there for the sufferer and also their family. Even the doctors used to tell me that if he wanted help he would ask for it, at that point he was too low to even get out of bed. I told one doctor that that is like asking someone with broken legs to walk to the hospital to get them fixed. The more this illness is discussed the more help there will eventually be.

Depression sleeping!!

Hi I'm 32 and have 4 children, and since my second child I have had depression on and off. But lately all I want to do is get the kids to school so I can go back to bed. I feel safe from my self when I'm asleep dreaming away. Also I drink at least 2 bottles of wine a night when the kids are in bed. I am on flouxitine medication but does not stop the feeling of not wanting to do anything!! Just a pile of ironing seems like the end of the world at the minute .

So true, the vicious circle

What a poignant read, thank you! I have been there where sleeping makes things easier and it's true, firstly no one understands but then the guilt kicks in and you feel even worse about yourself! Drinking alcohol was my next step to "forget" and like you, my counsellor pointed out the self-harm and self-soothing habitat I was in. I am still drinking everyday as its too hard to give up but I'm off the medication and not sleeping as much and most days, not at all during the day. Just glad I'm not the only one out there doing the same thing or feeling the same - it helps knowing that and accepting who I am! Thank you x

So true but...

I wish I could sleep, sober or not I can't and feel exhausted.


Hello Sarah, when I can't sleep I try to go back to a place (often a childhood place) and go from room to room opening doors and cupboards and remembering the things that were there, it's surprising what comes back, some bad but mostly good . I think maybe it helps to distract my 'spaghetti' brain which is in such a mess. Please try it and I so hope it helps. x

Thank you for this. Being a

Thank you for this. Being a lazy person before the onset of my depression hasn't helped my understanding of myself in this! I thought: "If I can't understand, how can others?", but it seems that, sometimes, others can see clearer when or not to push you, i.e., when to refuse to take "I can't" for an answer! No experience is the same, but I have no doubt that this (only possible through resolving to speak freely to others) has been one of the greatest things helping me forward. - Jon.


Thanks for this. It's nice to know there are people out there who feel exactly as I do with my depression. Like you I was diagnosed a year ago. But think I have had bouts since I was a teenager. I still find it hard to accept too and call my self lazy and pathetic. I agree depression should not be a dirty word. Keep going I hope we can come to terms with it soon through those that help us.

Thanks for being brave and posting

I have suffered with bouts of depression since I was a teenager too - I'm in my twenties now. Two and a half years ago, in desperation, I sought help through therapy and medication. Although difficult both really helped, however, at times I still do struggle. I sleep so much and I constantly criticise myself for being 'lazy' - but the truth is I find being awake so mentally draining that, like you, I need time to escape. I have found, over the years, that the only way I can do this is through sleep. My parents frequently get annoyed and ask questions due to how often I sleep - they know about my depression but it is definitely 'a dirty secret.' It's as if they blame themselves for my depression, which frustrates me as it has nothing to do with them. Also, I find it difficult to go out with my friends at night, as I become psychologically exhausted. This is mainly due to how anxious I feel, particularly in clubs. I feel guilty as I don't want to ruin their night - but my tiredness always shows. How can I explain this to them though? For me, depression, will always be there, it's a 'black dog', that I know will pounce unexpectedly throughout my life and therefore I do no need coping strategies, one of which being my need to sleep regularly. This is really difficult to explain to someone who truly cares about you or hasn't experienced it personally. The truth is dealing with depression is so hard and, in some ways, I'm proud of how far I've come in the last few years - I never thought I'd be where I am now two years ago. Every time, I feel lazy or inadequate, I remind myself of this.

...and yet, I still find the

...and yet, I still find the back of my mind telling me that it's just me making excuses for myself. Still cannot admit to it, still tell myself it is others who have an illness, a diagnosis, whatever they want to call it, but me, I'm just wasting time, making excuses for my uselessness and laziness. Although it's good to hear I'm not alone, but that nagging feeling from the back of my mind, still refuses. Stay strong Laura, for all the extra efforts you put in to take that pair of jeans back, you did manage to go, and every little step is one worth fighting for. I hope things become easier Jx

Thank goodness

Thanks Laura so much for sharing this. For years I have thought of myself as lazy and always used sleep as a coping mechanism, which long term just makes me feel guilty and even more lazy. I was diagnosed 4 months ago and I'm still coming to terms with it. Thoughts like why can't I cope as well as other people, and I'm just being weak and should get on with it like everyone else seems to are common. Telling your story really helps other people feel they are not alone and I hope one day soon I have the courage you have shown Laura and am able to do the same :-)


Thanks for writing this. I've seen and read all sorts of things about depression but nothing has rung so true for me before. I too describe myself as lazy in my head (and to my councillor) and urge myself to just 'get a grip'. I sleep to avoid the world, or watch endless rubbish telly when my sleep is too disturbed to be an escape. And I drink - far too much - again to get away from the world. Bizarrely I find when I'm past a good few glasses of wine I seem to have more energy and impetus to get a few things done. So despite the fact I feel worse the next day - dissapointed in myself for drinking again, in particular becuase it upsets my OH as well as making me wake feeling even more depressed - I continue to do it, and berate myself for being unable to resist. I'm slowly coming to terms with having to admit that I have depression, and anxiety, and Aspergers traits. Thanks for posting and helping me take one more step to do that.


I always think I am just being lazy too, I feel tired all the time, I do work full time but really struggle. It is very difficult to get people to understand. I hate myself for my mental health problems.

Lazy / depressed?

I am feeling horrible and have been for awhile. I am under a doctors care for depression and have been for 9 years stemming from my parents separation /divorce after 35 years of marriage. FAST FORWARD a few years, then work hours getting cut. I am now in a job that I love, have two beautiful children and a husband who I will say is as supportive as he knows how to be, of 17 years... The problem, I have no desire to do anything outside of work & getting my children to & from activities (an that is hard at times). I Don't do house work, laundry gets done as needed with help from the kids, grocery shopping as needed. Mostly everything 'as needed'. I know I have put A lot on my children. I feel guilty, I feel bad. But not enough to help. With Anything. I have tried counseling... But got So tired of being asked, "How does that make you feel?" OMG! I work part time 30-35 hours a week at 2 different jobs. I make sure my children, ages 10 & 13 are safe, fed, clothed, and have shelter. They are involved in activities: Dance, Taekwon Do, piano, tutoring, Scouts, youth group. I am chauffeur to ALL these activities including helping other friends get to their activities too. 2 nights a week we don't get home till 8:30 p.m. 2 nights a week we arrive home by 6:30 & 5:00 pm. Fridays are free I should add I am a "Single Parent" during the week while my husband works nights. I am exhausted, don't feel the urge to do ANYTHING! I know things Need to get done. Our house is a disaster. And I mean our whole house. We don't invite friends/family over. It's too embarrassing. My family had a Huge discussion this afternoon without trying to blame. I sometimes feel what would happen if I wasn't here (left, walked away) I love my family! I just feel like I need a break. And come back to start over. I am so overwhelmed & I know my children and husband are too. I just don't know where to start. Thanks for letting me vent and getting my feelings off my chest. Guess it is time to check in with my doctor again soon.

Laura's blog and fellow commenters

Like most others here I relate exactly to what you are saying. Feeling useless, lazy, full time job, Mum, guilt, alcohol, sleeplesness, erratic decisions, unable to tell anyone, got to keep going, wonder when it might stop.


Thank you for the help. I'm so down on myself for being lazy I'm sinking farther and farther into depression. I must stop telling myself I'm lazy it just makes the depression worse.

This rings so true. I have

This rings so true. I have had depression for most of my life, my earliest memory at age 5 was hoping that reincarnation was not true because I didn't want to have to go through this again. I have always slept a lot to escape, sometimes staying in bed for whole days. I want to do things but just don't feel I have the energy to do stuff and have recently started cancelling social invites (which were very few anyway). My parents spent the whole of their lives arguing and mentally abusing each other, and being ill. They are now both disabled and still the same. I live across the road from them and am pretty much on call for helping out, providing support. I have worked full time for most of my adult life but have recently been signed off sick as I broke down at work. I'm in a very stressful job (I work in mental health - lol!) and am currently at risk of redundancy. For much of my life I used alcohol as an escape (started drinking at age 14) - it was the only time I would feel happy and made it possible to cope with my chronic social phobia. I don't drink much now as it makes me feel too ill but I miss the feeling of escape and being extroverted. I've been married, divorced, lived with three other partners and had many other relationships in between and never been able to make these work (two of the relationships were abusive and I have the scars to show). I have also suffered eating disorders since my teens and have gone from size 8 to 22 and up and down in between, I am now quite overweight which makes me hate myself even more. The only good thing I have in my life is my daughter from my last relationship. I've been on my own now for over 10 years after my daughters father had an affair when she was just 2. I am now 50 and feel that I have nothing left to give. I just about manage to care for my daughter (she is clever, talented and beautiful) but feel I am letting her down. Just recently, she asked me why I am always ill (I tell her I don't feel well when I can't face doing anything). Life feels pretty hopeless just now!


I am very impressed with your bravery to write about this. I am very much in favour of the stigma around mental health being eradicated ASAP. We are all human, all the same and are all more vulnerable and sensitive than we like to admit. Well done. I hope at some point, to be brave enough to write about my experience also. Kindest regards, Alice. :)

so true

Everything you said was like my own life. Ive wondered if Im maniac at times because I feel so good, healthy, happy, lots of energy and then I wake up with a dark cloud over everything. Its got worse over the years because the dark cloud has caused me so much pain as when im suffering I had done all kids of drastic things to make myself feel better (quit my job, end a relationship, Ive even walked out of my house and moved abroad, all decided in one day!). So when this cloud comes I begin to worry so much. I have been settled for a while now and although I still have the odd bout and episode Im trying to control it so I can build a good life. I sometimes feel that while I continue with this depression that might never happen. just writing this now is making me feel I should just finally go and get help with this. If your going through similar I wish you luck as i know its not easy living a productive life when you feel this way. x


How can you help when the sufferer doesn't want to listen? Shuts themselves away, doesn't speak or answer the phone any longer?

becoming more of a hermit

Dear Mark, I know it's been 7 months since your question...don't know if you'll get this or not, but I wanted to offer a perspective from my own experience with depression. The depressed and withdrawing person is already feeling incredible self-loathing for not being able to "snap out of it". When you are depressed, it is so hard and takes so much psychological energy to look you feel is "normal". It's so painful to be in public when your mind is not working quickly, you need lots of pauses to remember the next word in a sentence, your reflexes are off, you can't remember names (sometimes even in your family!). Pulling away and into your room/house, is done from pain, wanting it to stop, keeping yourself from making more of a fool than you already feel you have. The most loving, understanding thing I think you could do, would be to wait until the person contacts you, then tell them how happy you are to hear from them, that you understand and don't take offence when they pull inward, that this is part of who they are right now, and you love and respect them as they are. Tell them there is no need to apologize, and that you are there for them whenever they want to talk...or not talk. I have some dear friends who do this for me, and they will never know how much it means. They remind me of my good traits and fun nature when I am feeling like myself. Of course, I am assuming the depressed person is under a doctor's care and/or on meds too.

your post

Brave and so helpful to speak out in this way.

You are not alone

Hi Laura It's so reassuring to read post's like this as I have always thought I am lazy but the truth is I am not.Depression is so misunderstood in so many way's, what I find frustrating is that even though I am aware of having a mental health problem I still torture myself everyday for not accomplishing certain thing's in life but acknowledging that you do have a problem is the biggest step. If only people were more aware and had a better understanding of mentall health illness's the world would be a better place to live in Keep strong Laura, everything will be ok :)

Thank You

Hi Laura, I just googles 'Am I depressed or just lazy" & your blog came up. I am in sales, its a job where you have to not only engage with people but get them to buy stuff too! I am in a horrible situation where I just feel paralysed, I ruminate & procrastinate before even ringing someone on the phone the hours between 9 -5 are purgatoryI. I feel relieved after 5pm as I am no longer doing something I should be - like not working hard! I know I'm not lazy & its depression as when I do eventually get myself in front of customers I excel, I feel good when I walk away, but then the actions needed when I need to engae with a person again, start all over again , it a vicious circle. The trouble & added pressure is that the job pays me well it keeps the roof over mine & my daughter head, my partner has just got a job after being made redundant so at least it will help take the strain off me a bit soon. I know im not lazy ads i have isolated myself from nearly all of my friends. I joined Al Anon about 18 months ago (my parents are both alcoholics) it has helped me enormously, but I stopped going after someone made a silly throw away comment that hurt me. Its like id I stay at home away from everyone & under the duvet its a safe place, I love to sleep, to shut it all away. I am also over eating ( also self harm) & Have put on over 3 stone in the last few years so my depression is now outwardly visible I guess. My employers have been pretty good, but theres a danger if I let this get the better of me it will really show in my results, and to be hones t I wouldn't blame them for taking action if they needed to. Lat night I went to a new Al Anon group, I forced myself to go & I was really glad I did, I also contacted a member of my old group & immediately she just invited me for coffee, I sit here typing this in bed and my first reaction was to feel happy about the invite , but of course refuse... why would she want to feel dragged down by me & my woes? I then took the plunge & answered before I changed my mind & texted a yes! that would be lovely! You see we are not lazy we are depressed but I think we all know we need to help ourselves & are the only ones who can do that with new ways of thinking, listening to our bodes. questioning irrational thoughts & behaviour, getting the therapy & woking at it & taking the medication. This illness that is brought on by chemical imbalances remember. Thank you Laura for being there in my moment of need today. xx

Thank you so much for writing

Thank you so much for writing this. This gave me hope and I feel a lot better and am beginning to see myself in a more forgiving light. I think it's important to know that falling apart is not necessarily a sign of weakness and that you will truly love yourself again and be happy. Thank you again.

so ture

I glad some one speek out about mental health promble. I wish could do more but I too have own promble e.g panic attack

So I'm not alone?

I've suffered with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. It's gotten really bad recently as I've started to realise that I'm just not getting any where in life. I still struggle to figure out whether it's because I'm lazy or whether it's depression that causes me to fail in things. A couple of years ago I was coming to the end of my PhD but ended up quitting as I was trying to write up. I realised that I'd spent the whole three years of my PhD just doing what my supervisor told me to do without really thinking about what I was doing and found that I didn't really understand any of it. It was such a hard time. My boyfriend was amazingly supportive and helped me set up my own business doing web design which was going well but I've recently broken down again and have ended up back at my parents. I feel as though I just can't do anything. I struggle to find the motivation even for the simplest of tasks like brushing my teeth or getting a shower in the morning. Before I moved back to my parents I was relying on my boyfriend for a lot of support, both with my business and emotional support. He's given me lots of advice on how to overcome this and how to improve myself so I can move myself and my business forward but I've just not been taking his advice. We've both agreed that I can't move back home until I've started to sort myself out and have a plan of how to move forward although I'm struggling with that. I'm still trying to get bits of work done for my clients but I'm working so slowly. I find it hard to think clearly and even articulate sentences when I speak to people. I keep considering quitting my business and getting a job but then worry about how I'd go about that. I feel like I need someone to hold my hand and lead me through life because I'm not strong enough on my own. I know I need to stop thinking like this though and start taking my boyfriends advice because he's been through depression and hard times as well and has come through them. And yet here I am still feeling like I'm getting no where and sill not taking the advice given to me. I don't know if speaking to people going through similar things will help or will just give me an excuse to feel like this more.

I just don't know?

How does anyone know that they are experiencing deppression? How are we diognosed? You know that something has been wrong over the years but maybe that's just apart of our personallity, afterall, there are plenty of things in this world to trigger some deppression but when does it become a problem. I have wondered about these things for quite a long time and thought to myself that there is no way that I could be deppressed. Deppression is what weak people go through. I have always been strong and have experienced many ups and downs in my life including a divorse after 10 yrs of marriage...after my father died I grew up with a mother who never understood me and recently I was let go from my job after nearly 15 years. I was thrilled at first as I did not know how I was going to make a desperately needed career change. I enjoyed the new found freedom for a few months and did many enjoyable things however I just spent the last 5 days in bed and realized that I was the perfect candidate for deppression. I aslo took a look back over the years and realized that I had been doing this for a long time. I would run myself ragged with work, recreation, projects and many other things and then out of the blue crash. In the past it would be 1 or 2 days then life goes back to normal. 5 days is a problem and now I need to figure out what to do so that it doesn't get worse and get the best of me. I know that I'm not lazy so it must be the D word. Thx for your comments they were really helpful to me. They helped me to look at things from a different perspective.


I urge you while your still up to it to find a good psychiatrist. I used to do the same as you. Stay busy to escape from my depression. It works as long as you don't start getting old and your body begins to go haywire. Once my joints started breaking down and my eyesight and hearing started going I found myself trapped in a body that would not go on command. Hearing aides just made matters worse, with them my whole nervous system "lit up". Finally I had bugged my family Dr. enough he referred me to a new psychiatrist. He prescribed me 2 meds at bedtime and now after a month I find myself up and moving again. It is going to be awhile before depression bugs me again because I'm so happy about not being imprisoned any longer in this body that I practically worked to death. I've tried many meds over my life and some put me in the hospital, but I could never give up because I love my family and my hobbies. That's the really crazy thing I've found out about depression. You can be surrounded by people who love you and have a good life, but depression doesn't care! It shades everything in greys and blacks so you can't see the wonders in your life.

My recent bout do depression was brought on by my mums illness.

My mum had a mini stroke in 2007 causing her damage to her temporal lobe thus losing her memory. In 2008 she was diagnosed with dementia. Which turned her into someone I didn't know and she ceased to remember how to be a mum. I watched her deteriorate Over the next five years leading to her death in 2013, in all thus time I lost 3 dear friends and was a full time carer for my hubby who has epilepsy and frequent bouts of ataxia. I did this with little help from anyone until we moved into a sheltered housing complex where we met new friends. None was more supportive than our friend Lynn who has been through a lot herself. She understood me and helped me through I am now in a much better place in my head. So take courage you can get through it.

I stumbled upon a great

I stumbled upon a great article which finally helped me realize the difference between laziness and depression. You enjoy laziness, you hate depression. At least that's how I know I'm not lazy. However, I am in a state right now where I want to get professional help because I am wasting precious years of my still young life. Unfortunately, when I think about going I don't know what I am going to say...I have nothing to say anymore. I used to be able to explain my state, but I'm finding that difficult to achieve at the moment. I feel like the doctor is going to laugh at me and say "oh you are not depressed". I'm not mopey, or exhibit any kind of physical proof of depression, because I hide it really well. Sometimes I can't, but most of the time I can. However, I do avoid too much contact with other people, because I just can't take them anymore...I, too, found escape in alcohol, but I'm not drinking as much anymore. But that's probably due to the fact I have very few friends left, so I don't even have anyone to go out with...Well, I guess I do have something left to say...


Well done Laura for speaking out I too have BPD and like you I have told people and had drastic results, I have had friends and family cross the road to avoid me and someone very close to me in my family has turned his back on me. This happened over a year ago now and I am still absolutely devastated, they say time heals but I am just as devastated now as I was when it happened last year. I to stopped going out but I found in the end that it just made things worse. I now have far less friends and family but the family I have that are with me and support me are amazing. I have a wonderful husband and children that has supported throughout the whole thing. I also would not dream of telling the world about myself after several people either having nothing to do with me or just avoid me at all costs unless they really cannot get out of it. I am very proud of you for speaking out well done you are amazing!!


Like you I felt the same. I left college, never got up before 12. Couldn't get a job (couldn't be bothered to look for a job). But now?! I'm holding down a job in London - commuting every morning! My anxiety is halved. Ofcourse I still feel down sometimes. I still find it hard to get up every morning, I still read into things and twist them in my mind until I think they're about me. But you have to believe me when I say its all about mindset. My mum had depression and she would constantly tell me "you need to think positive!" - Which is the last thing you want to hear when you can barely get up and the most positive thing you can think is that the day has to end eventually. But trust me you have to try! If you aren't doing anything you can feel proud of yourself for or happy about or something you enjoy or are good at - then go out and do something! See the world, go travelling, take a break. FIND YOURSELF.

Social Anxiety and Depression

I have been shy for as long as i can remember.After facing prolonged academic failure,separation from friends and loneliness i have reached a point in my life where i feel anxiety when i am around anybody and depression after realising that i am failing everyday and loneliness as i can't share it with anyone close to me due to the fear of being ridiculed,judged or avoided.this is definitely the lowest point in my life.I hope that you,i and everybody that suffers from a mental illness finds support and happiness.


I'm 63 and I have lived in depression since I was 14. I try to focus on others to avoid being so alone with myself, but at times I am rebuked for that. I guess its uncomfortable for others to feel like they owe me. That isn't the reason I do what I do, but they don't know that. When I'm shut down by the rebuke I crawl inside myself and the anxiety and depression gets hold of me again. One thing I have realized though is that the only way society can benefit from people like me is during a disaster. We know how survive the worst of times and come back. There is no way to fall further down and we have plenty of experience at climbing out of hell to the light if only briefly. I wish that I could reassure those with chronic depression, anxieties, and phobias that you will get better with time, but you won't. However your coping skills improve and I seem to draw others with similar problems who are looking for answers. This gives me self-worth. If I'm 3 rungs up on a 50 rung ladder and I can reach down and pull another up or give someone on the 5th rung a boost I find pleasure from this life in doing so. My heart goes out to all of you who suffer, I pray you find your way!

i think i'm depressed

hello, i'm only 19 years old and for the past couple of months i just been really "lazy", the feeling that i have is that i don't wanna do anything besides stay home and just watch movies all day and not be bothered, i have been searching through out the internet signs of depression and i'm coming to a conclusion that i might be depressed. I talked to a couple friends telling them i might be depressed and they said that i was forcing it and that its a just a phase that i'm going through and that it would be over soon, but the reality of it is that i have been waiting for months for this feeling to be over and nothing changed. I'm starting to accept the fact that i'm actually depressed and trying to figure it out how to tell my parents about it.

are you sure?

it is best if you visit a psychiatrist - a proper one who will not try to look for ways to sink his hands in your cash and who will really help you. i hope it is not depression that you have but even if you do, do not worry - we all face problems in life. everyone of us face different kinds of problems and they are opportunities for us to get stronger. you say you have been trying for a long time for the feeling to change. dont wait for something to happen. get up and get going. explore the world around you. you may probably not feel like doing it but make an effort and do it. dont blame yourself if you are not able to do this though. be gentle on yourself. talk to your family or people you are close to. i was a patient of severe depression when i was in high school. but not anymore, thank God! something that helped me was psycho-analysing my feelings. asking myself "what is this feeling i am feeling now?" "why am i feeling it?" and trying to do something to change that feeling. do try it. i hope it helps. another thing that helped me when i was in particularly bad episodes of depression was reaching out to someone who needed my help - any help. i find that sometimes when you are facing difficulties, helping someone solve theirs can make your own problems easier to deal with. there is always day after darkness and there is always ease after hardship. dont worry about your parents' reaction. the sooner you tell them the better. and keep telling them constantly about any mood changes you experience even if it seems like they arent taking you seriously. and not just that - talk to them about everything! im sure you will feel good. i hope you get over your problem soon. if there is anything else i can do to help you, do let me know. just comment over here.

i used to have depression.

i used to have depression. yes. used to. now im out of it. and i am very thankful to God that i went through all of it, because it made me stronger. and i hope and pray, laura, that you will get well and totally depression-free very soon. i still have relapses sometimes but they are not very bad and as soon as i get busy with something new, they (the relapses) usually fade away. be strong till the storm is over! love you for sharing your feelings about your illness. im sure many people with similar problems will feel they are not alone after reading your post


I am wretched to be honest and have zero interest in my appearance. I have no friends, not one. Getting up is the worst time of day. Simple tasks seem gargantuan. My animals are my world, 26 sheep, 3 cows and 3 collies. They give unlimited love and need my care or they would die. They are the most important thing in the world to me. I have no interest in humans, none of them.


Hi Samantha Hope you are OK. Sometimes we feel that people aren't of benefit to us, but it's good to talk when we are ready. If you need support we've got some links here: Best, Crystal at TTC

Too late for me because I have BPD

I've lost so many friends, relationships over the years due to Borderline Personality Disorder, so much so I've stopped making connections and have lost confidence in myself and future but the worst experience was having my daughter taken into care two years ago not for abuse or neglect but because of how the BPD would effect her, literally being told that my mental health made me a bad mother and could never be a good mother.


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