Originating from childhood trauma, I suffer from anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) - also known as borderline personality disorder (BPD). I have struggled with my mental health since I was 16 years old and I’m now 25. In that time I have become a qualified paediatric nurse and have, at times, received backlash from some people about my competence because of my diagnosis.
The pandemic we find ourselves in today has been, an event that began off as extremely difficult to deal with. I remember as a kid being grounded; never did I imagine a whole country being grounded. I remember when my parents would ask me, “why don’t you spend more time at home?”, now they ask me, “why don’t you go out for a walk?”.
When I think about it, the shift in attitudes is quite interesting and at times quite amusing.
In January I had the dubious pleasure of travelling down to London, to do some filming for Time to Change in their See the Bigger Picture campaign. Despite my, very, amateurish stumbling through the filming it was eventually finished – apologies to everyone kept waiting and grateful for their patience. The reason I became involved in that project is my belief that mental health issues need to be out in the open.
Do any of these sound familiar to you right now? Feeling empty, lethargic or spaced out; wanting to binge eat; sore knees from over-exercising; intense emotions that swing from happiness and confidence to anger, sorrow or shame; getting on great with your lockdown buddy, then thinking they hate you; confusion about who you are...
Some people understand it, some think it’s an attention call. For me, depression is like that pile of laundry that you don’t want to show in your Instagram pictures. I never want to show my pile of laundry to the world, I want my life to seem happy and put together, as if I folded and put away all my laundry right out of the dryer.