I was starting my first year of University and I thought it was going to be a fresh start to my life. It wasn’t like that. My past problems followed me and continue to overtake and confuse me. I was unhappy most of the time, and when I thought things were going well, another obstacle threw me off the rails of happiness.
Once I was told that I have borderline personality disorder (BPD), everything clicked into place, as if it was the missing piece of the puzzle as to why I acted the way I did with my mental health.
When I landed my dream job as an editor at Oxford University Press, I thought I had my career mapped out ahead of me. I started my first ‘proper’ job bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, excited to develop myself and be involved in the wonderful world of publishing.
What I didn’t anticipate, however, was that a few months into my new job, anorexia would rear its incredibly ugly head and do its utmost to destroy me, taking my career with it.
This can be frustrating to hear. Sometimes I describe my (occasional) reality as having the TV and the radio on loud at the same time, while trying to have an intense conversation. You should try it sometime; but keep in mind that once you’re done, you can remove the distractions with the flick of a switch. For me, it isn’t that easy.
I had just started working for a new employer following a three-year break in my career due to my mental health problems. I was looking forward to building a new career, developing professional skills, making new friends and finally moving forward in my life.