Carol, June 18, 2018

Written in support of Time to Change....sharing my own experience as a Time to Change Champion will hopefully support others who may be suffering.

By Carol Harte

Every day is the same as the last, it seems to stand so still
 
Each memory painful from my past
 
I felt a dark cloud appear one day which took me by surprise
 
I worried about my dear son and others views of our lives
 
The fear was overwhelming when the cloak of darkness came
 
It took my breath away as people thought I was insane
 
A professional woman strong and bold

A UK Veteran too
 
A mother full of love with a good kind heart - inside I was falling apart 
 
Darkness engulfing my soul
 
I couldn’t move and think it through
 
The confusion and illness paralysed me 

A tormented statue 
 
No light in sight not even a flicker 
 
My mind continued to get sicker
 
No thoughts came to mind not even one- the darkness was laughing it thought it had won
 
In reality - the battle had just begun
 
I paced the floor night after night - crying uncontrollable with no vision in sight
 
I reached out to many -but they could not see through my pain and pleads - it was true you see
 
I was scared and confused and wondered...Why was I not worthy?
 
I was feeling mocked, shamed and disgraced for an illness I couldnt control
 
Watching society from my dark desperate hole
 
Am I not worthy of compassion?
 
Isolation and fear became the norm -there were no words - I felt alone
 
The darkness had took me - no thoughts were in sight - deep in the depths 
 
Failure and torment  was all I could might
 
No matter how hard I tried to control my mind 
 
There was no meaning - only emptiness 
 
I no longer had a soul - a living mess
 
I sat in the doctors no word of a lie and told him it was over...it was time to die
 
My eyes were black my mind had gone 
 
I couldn't see how I could carry on
 
My son sat beside me holding my hand he said mum I need you -I love you please try and hold on
 
I sat with no emotion my eyes dark with fear
 
My son -my world - it was time to conquer fear 
 
I knew I must find the strength to push past this state
 
Not become another statistic in a cruel test of fate
 
I continued to work throughout my pain helping others was my main aim
 
1 in 4 would suffer the same
 
I could not bear to see someone suffer like me
 
I took it step by step - minute by minute & hour by hour to recover from this nothingness and complete my duty
 
The fear that made me cower was losing to me
 
The light slowly returned I could see hope through the trees a beacon of light calling me please..
 
So my friends remember you are never alone
 
Help is there for you too - just pick up the phone 
 
I can help you break free from the turmoil & discontent to enable you to live fully with positive intent. 

 

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