May 2, 2014

sarahWarning, some readers may find this post triggering.

My son recently watched the Avengers Assemble film and compared me to Dr Banner, who turns into the Incredible Hulk whenever he gets angry or upset, which, yes, is kind of funny and I am glad he had found a way of understanding it, but really who wants to be compared to a Monster?

It happens as quickly as flicking a light switch

Ever since I was a child I have experienced very rapidly changing mood swings. Not like your normal 'tantrums', but a lot more aggressive and more verbally abusive. It was always put down to things like changes at home or a 'phase' I was going through. It’s hard to explain to people that even though it is your body you literally have no control over what is coming, it happens as quickly as flicking a light switch and varies in how in long it lasts, sometimes it’s a short, sharp outburst and other times it has lasted for days.

I felt so alone and had no idea where to turn

A month ago I took an overdose and was taken to Southend A&E. The doctor in A&E was brilliant, she seemed to really understand me. I was sent to a ward and spent three nights there. A crisis liaison officer came to see me - this person was awful to me and said: 'You’re here because you made a choice, you need to learn to cope better, stop wasting my time and go get a job. Work is what you need to feel better - I’m sick of people like you wasting my time when there are 'real' cases out there who need help'.

I sat crying and felt so alone and had no idea where to turn. I felt so frustrated and angry. I had asked for help and this is what I get told? If I had a choice do you think I would be this way?

I didn't really want a 'name' or 'label' being attached to me

I was sent to Basildon MHAU where I saw a mental health professional, who gave me the diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. ’Wow’, I thought, ‘this thing inside me has a name?’ This should have been a good thing, right? But it wasn’t. I didn’t really want a ‘name’ or ‘label’ being attached to me. “But I’m Sarah” I thought, ‘that is my name’. This thing living inside me had been a part of me for so long that to me it was just part of what made me .. well .. me. But suddenly giving it a ‘name’ like it was a person really unsettled me.

On the one hand I now understand that for some reason my mentality has frozen at around 14 years old which was when a close family member was murdered, and that due to coming from a dysfunctional family background and the environment I was in I did not mentally develop properly. So where I should have gone through teen years, had the hormonal changes and then come out the other side, this never happened and they call this Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. This is why I act the way I do and it’s not my fault.

The words Personality Disorder are against my name

But on the other hand it just felt like suddenly I became less of a concern to the professionals. Now on my notes the words Personality Disorder are against my name and it seems to me that the professionals who were once welcoming and helpful have become shut off and don’t want to even be in a room alone with me. My experience is still one of frustration and there is just such a lack of understanding within the NHS overall.

It's great to find a group who all support each other

Very recently I found a support group locally to me and hearing others stories and experiences made me finally feel like I had found people that understood. It is great to find a group who all support each other. But it is still an ongoing, draining battle for me when it comes to the doctors and professionals because I talk well and look ‘normal’ and keep clean and well presented I have to constantly ‘prove’ what the problem is.

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Sarah's blog

I have just read your blog, and I am appalled at the so called crisis liaison officer, people like that are too ignorant to hold a position like that, he/she should be sacked. Well done to you Sarah for finding a support group where you realise you are not alone, all the best to you in the future.

Disgusting but unfortunately not uncommon

Recently heard from someone whose mental health worker from the home treatment team left the home visit saying "Don't kill yourself" and chuckled. REALLY!!!!


Oh. My. God. I don’t think I’ve ever related to anything more in my life. I’ve literally just got diagnosed so when I was looking into it as well I’m finally started to accept that unfortunately the label might be correct I typed it in and I got here and I just I wanted to say Thankyou. Thankyou for making me feel like I’m not the only one that’s always been like this, I’m 17 and I’ve felt like this my whole life. Now they’ve caught it early it’s good because I’ve never really got a chance at a normal childhood before so I’m hoping now I know what it is they can help a lot because I’m tired of feeling like I can’t control anything. They’re currently trying to put me on anti phsycotics and I really don’t want to but apparently they’re supposed to help drown out the hulk (I’m now calling it my hulk from now on:p ) but I don’t know but I just wanted to come and Thankyou for sharing your story and helping me feel like I’m not the only one.

Feels like how I am

Hmmm, wow this resonates. And it's a very well written piece. How brave you are :) I suffer I know with PTSD and depression but this also seems very like how I am, did you ever find yourself very weepy too. I cry at all sorts, if I am sad, cross, frustrated and also happy! Go figure. Well best wishes.

Sarah's blog

This was like you were writing from inside my skull and my life. One parent tried to murder my mum and me when I was 14. Everything else is identical to what you wrote. Thank you for writing what you did. I am only just entering therapy aged 48 with the understanding of, and trust that, what I am feeling and how I behave IS real. Thank you for your post.

sarah blog

I also suffered from emotionally unstable personality disorder ( bpd) I've had the same treatment no one want to work with you which make me feel worse as if I don't exist. I was discharged by a locum consultant who I had never met before he told me I was just not good at coping. About 3 months later I became unwell and was sent to a new consultant who felt I should never have been discharged.

bpd aka emotional unstable personality disorder

I too felt the same way as regards to health care professionals when i was diagnosed with bpd aka emotional unstable personality disorder.when really its one of the most complex and serious mental health illnesses to live with.trying to regulate emotions that you dont understand or where they came from is hard when they constantly trying to explain how you feel to mental health care proffessionals who you expect to have some insite and knowledge is hard when you are struggling.i have nearly finished doing dbt therapy which has been very helpful.its given me the tools to use to help me to turn my thoughts around using mindfullness and possitive thinking.i now know the reason i am the way i am through childhood abuse and violent partners throughout my adult life.i now can look at my past at copable bits at a time and put it back in a box where it belongs.ive still got a way to go.but i am thankful to my cpn and therapist and my close family.without their constant support.i dont know what would have happened.alot of education is still needed in a&e depts along with crisis support cos bpd is still miss understood.

Time To Change

Hi Samantha, thank you for your comment. How are you feeling at the moment? Take care, Jodie at Time to Change

Sarah May

That was an amazing story, thank you Sarah for sharing your experience, I found it very enlightening.

Personality disorder

I understand this but not as the name the medical profession name it. I to have been told I have this disorder, but 10years ago I got fed up with not being able to help myself more. I have been down all the channels of help that the NHS provide. Psychologists ,Psycholigists, medication, I am not saying they are rubbish, they have a place for many people and help allot of people. I decided to take a different take on myself and went down the road of self help groups linked with Shamanic healing technique s. The problem you describe here of being stuck at a certain age because of a trauma happening to you when you were that age, I now call soul loss. Through using shamanic tools and with help from other people who understand through their own journeys, I can now help myself control this problem, it has not happened over night and it was not easy, but over a 10 year period I have learnt how to be calmer, be gentle on myself, not blame myself, and learn how to express my anger/emotions safely in a safe evioroment, with people that understand Why. If your past part has experienced trauma and cannot cope with it, it basically closes down to protect itself, but by doing so gets lost in the process, if it did not do this protection action , we could have been allot worse of as a result. The mind is very clever at looking after us when we are submitted to trauma beyond our control or understanding. People might say just forget it it's in the past now, well we as an adult might try to do that, but the part normally a child part still has a massive memory still burried deep inside, and it only takes something to trigger that damaged part for it to kick off, and act out normally in a place where this behaviour is not accepted. After all the years I now can help that part of me feel safe and more in control of the emotions when they get triggered. There are many ways you can do this.. This type of help comes from Shamanic journeying, soal retrieval, medicine wheel teaching. I really wish I had found this help many more years ago, but I am so grateful for have found it now. This by the way has nothing to do with any type of belief systems or religions. Lots out there to be able to read about this way of healing.

Personalty disorder

Just to say I've been recently loosely diagnosed which upsets me deeply as I recognise that my problems stem from unresolved childhood trauma. For me suicide has always been a real possibility. What really wrenches me is that I didn't see that i needed help earlier. I'm now in my late 40's.

Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

It's good to know Sarah has finally had a diagnosis, but really sad to hear that some NHS staff make disparaging remarks about it. This is well out of order, unprofessional and does nothing to help people come to terms with their condition. I urge Sarah to make a formal complaint against the person who was so insulting to her. Best of Luck.

Fab Woman

Hi I do not have this condition and to be honest I had not heard of it. But reading this very frank account has made me think about it and how difficult it can be for people with a hidden disability such as this. I wish Sarah all the best and I am pleased she is getting support via the group. It can't be an easy thing to live with and respect for Sarah for being so honest about it.

Emotionally unstable personality disorder

I was diagnosed with this. I went through a lot of trauma as a child and an adult, which some professionals said 'never happened' even though I was telling the truth. I was also diagnosed with post traumatic strestsdisorder. I went into remmission for 2 years, but recently I had a set back of disassociation which occurred with my periods. I always had moods around my periods that were very wild, but it was hard to put a finger on it. Recently I have been put on Prozac for treatment of pre menstrual tension. It is now thought I never had the personality disorder, but I had pre menstraul tension which was made worse by post traumatic stress. I have been medicated for two weeks now and I've been stable. It is sad I was misdiagnosed because I lost a child to adoption and the rest are in care because of it. I am nearly ready now to fight for the other children to come home.

To Carol I've got the same problems

I got bpd and ptsd but i lost all my children.2 of them are adults now I see them but lost my baby been adopted.i just been diagnosed all conditions got to start cara and women refuge has I gone through my 3 domestic volience 2 lots of volience was fractured jaw.i hope u get ur children bless you.i don't trust social workers they intimate wind up put hand in people faces they can do what they like and get away with it.even though it's reported.just becareful u might get a honest s worker their only a few do u get better with these conditions I find it so hard.i feel useless I don't go out see people don't go shops I get so para.good luck Hun xxx

I have Emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder too

I can relate to what you are suffering with the mood swings and aggression, for me after a VERY long time i realized that the symptoms of my diagnoses and and the fact that they came from a deep rotted past issues but yet were destroying and have totally destroyed relationships still, the more i understood my diagnoses the more i learned to understand myself and think before being angry. I must say its not easy its not to be seen as excuses either , now i see that if i take time to think, i am trying, and when i do i am moving on...time for change brilliant, thank you so much for helping some like me .,

emotionally unstable personality disorder

Thanks so much for sharing your blog. Like you i don't want a label, Alison is who i am but to get a diagnosis may help me cope with how I'm feeling. I'm interested to know how they pinpoint the age you are stuck at, particularly for someone like me who went through several traumas in childhood.

Diagnosis and label

I fully sympathise with the condition you are suffering from. I'm sure its not your fault. It is an issue that you are suffering from but you are not alone - not by any means. I think the 'diagnosis' you had and 'label' you have now been given is wrong. Doctors and the NHS do not fully understand mental health issues in general. This is part of the reason why there is a stigma surrounding issue like this. People, including doctors are scared of what they dont understand. I have an issue a bit like yours but not exactly the same. When I was 11 years old, my father was nearly killed in a road accident. The first I knew was the police coming to our door and telling my mother that he was fatally injured. He eventually survived but then damage was done to me at 11 when I saw my mother collapse in hysterics and then when I was seperated from her. A few months later I was nearly killed when a car doing 60 mph hit me when I was cycling with my friends. This double-whammy of childhood traulma went on to affect my whole life, despite the fact that I made a miraculous physical recovery from this horriffc accident. I shut-down after staring death in the face. It is just too horrific for an 11-year old to deal with. I have only just started to deal with the psychological issues over the last two years (I am now 48) and I'm now certain that changes in my behaviour and mood that have caused problems in my adult life are related to this I just never went there until recently as it was just too painful. This, for the most part of my life, was sealed off in my subconcious, ocasionally it appeared at times of stress and when I felt rejected. I then acted very childishly and had tantrums, acute anxiety, sleeplessness and sometimes depression. I used to mask this with smoking but I have now stopped smoking completely for 14 months and Im dealing directly with my issues and its working! I've been able to find a very special therapist who I could trust enough to now deal with these behavioural issues. Im sure you and everybody else will be able to deal with this too given the right encouragement, support, time and patience, but reading your post makes me think that the help you have had so far has in fact made things more difficult for you and not been very effective help. I really feel for you about this aspect. You are a person in your own right. We are all different. We all think differently. Doctors and people in general know this but they conveniently forget it and label us

Welcome to the club

Sarah, I just found out myself! It is both satisfying to know I am not just randomly crazy and daunting to know that it is not a trivial problem to have. Apparently, recovery is achievable but only after a few YEARS of hard work. In my case, I realize now I have always had it but after an accident two years ago it has really become overwhelming.

Wishing you well

This was a deeply affecting but well written blog, and I'm glad you wrote it. Firstly - It was horrible to hear about your negative experience with someone who is meant to be a 'professional'; I really hope that a complaint was put in or something? Secondly - I understand a lot of what you mentioned, be it 'proving' something because you come across 'normal' or 'well kept' or feeling as though something in terms of emotional development was stunted at an early age, and all these years have been like a game of catch up (granted a painful game). It is great that you have found a supportive group and I hope the group helps you through a lot of the thoughts and feelings you may have. It will always be an ongoing battle for anyone who knows what it's like to suffer from mental health issues, but do what works for you. It's also great to hear that you know when you're being treated unfairly - many would turn to someone, get shunned and accept fault, when there is none. It's no one's fault for being ill, and once again, I am sorry you had to endure speaking to someone who seems to lack patience, compassion or an ounce of understanding. Seems to me he's in the wrong field!

Hi Sarah,

Hi Sarah, For the first time ever,reading your post has helped me identify and reconcile in my own mind what I believe could possibly be at the route of my husbands problems. It rings so many alarm bells,but I am thankful for that. What happens next,I don't know.......but thank you for your openness and I wish you well.

So very true...

I am lucky in that I have never felt judged because of my diagnosis. I felt at times that they didn't have a clue what to do with me, which for a huge AMH team is perhaps slightly terrifying... But you raise the issue of looking 'normal', keeping clean and being well-presented. You constantly have to dreg up the horror of what goes on inside you just to get someone to understand. I have no issues having a title of BPD next to my name - sometimes, that's what it takes to be able to hand someone the literature and say 'this is what's inside me, this is what I can't fight. could you?' I wish you much luck in your onward journey - and thank you for blogging about this. Amy

Emotionally Unstable PD or BPD

Hi and thanks for a powerful piece. I too was diagnosed with this. Unofficially at 13, officially at 17. I am now 35. No longer under psych care tho. Now 6years. I share the 'professional' bad attitude. Oh my I have seen, heard and experienced it all sadly. I was told I would be better off dead as had no quality of life to look forward to. Told i was manipulative, attention seeking, a psycho bi*ch, disgusting, I was given hosp end doses of multiple anti psychotics and other drugs to 'keep me quiet', manager tried to persuade a dr to write me up for an injection which would knock me out for 3 days because "I prefer my nursing staff to nurse her horizontally." I was not agressive, infact that day I was on my bed in the ward doing my art journal. I was sad but not psychotic! I have been put on an emergency section when i tried to leave to be assessed for yet another section 3, and the ward called the assessment off but illegally kept the 72hr section on and let it run out as punishment and to keep me there until the Mon morning to spk to consultant! I have had many horrible things said to me. Vile. I see a psychologist now for weekly therapy but that is it. We agree I never fully met criteria for Bpd and in reality I either have complex ptsd or a dissociative disorder. I was in and out of psych hosps from age 13 up til I was 28. They made me worse, made me hate myself even more. They just saw my severe self harm and judged me on that. I was lucky that in every place there was 1 staff member who actually saw ME and so stuck up for me and gave me talking time. They would get hassle for it though, saying I was manipulating them etc and trying 2 get me 2 sign a contract that said i would only talk to this nurse for 5mins max a shift!! The nurse didnt know about this at time but because I refused to sign, they discharged me. Hell. Utter hell. So many more stories too but this is word limited! I also want to say keep believeing in yourself. With that power, you will get yourself healed. Life can deal a bad card, even in childhood and the fact we are even here, as adults, now is a statement in itself of - I am a survivor. It is wrong many staff see PD as a label to avoid as most with this are caring, loving souls who simply are hurting to a depth most will never experience thankfully. It literally HURTS. I cant get that label taken off my records even though I am well and dont meet criteria. It affects my hosp stays when i have ops 4 physical health. Keep strong!


I too have been diagnosed after a suicide attempt just over 5 years ago. I hit a bad patch recently and was stopped before I could try again. My mum knew my intention, we argued and she phoned an ambulance. The crew were lovely, respectful and took me in for assessment. The nurse in charge of me not so, I overheard her telling the ambulance man, and then another nurse that I shouldn't have been brought in and I was a waste of resources. I learnt that if you are in a place that is considered 'safe' i.e rather than in public etc you don't have to be taken in. The ambulance man had seen my preparations, the state of my mum and made his judgement. I then waited over 9 hours on a busy ward for assessment. If a friend hadn't left work to sit with me I would have walked earlier and found a way. Upon leaving I was threatened in front of a load of strangers that the police would be called and bring me back but I could take no more and lived 5mins from the hospital. Once home I called 111 and explained where I was, who I was with and that I was safe as I didn't want more stress. The man on the phone was amazing and said to phone anytime I was struggling and they would listen and try to help. Fortunately the crisis team arrived not too much later and were great. I hope you complained about your treatment, I did. We don't deserve to be treated as a third rate citizen because we were ill. Thankfully, not all health workers are like those we've had the misfortune of being dealt with and the majority are fine, with some being amazing. The NHS is in crisis and I can't see there being the funding to train everyone about mental health, how it really can affect anyone and the importance that a bit af understanding can do when we are in crisis. Only 1 in 4 GPs choose it as one of their modules, it not one they must undertake. This needs to change too. I've seen some great GPs, but I know more than them about mental health, medication etc and it doesn't instill faith when you're in need of help.

I can relate

I have a diagnosis of BPD too, which I still question every day. Apparently this is common, as the label is so stigmatising and dispiriting, but it doesn't stop me questioning it. I initially had a Bipolar Disorder diagnosis, and when this was changed to BPD the difference in how mental health practitioners treated me was pretty marked. My psychiatrist told me I did not have a serious mental illness, despite having a 'chaotic lifestyle', and wanted to discharge me. I feel that my mental health problems are serious, as I am unable to work, have no friends outside of the internet, and suffer debilitating depression and anxiety. I protested against the discharge, and was eventually transferred to a different psychiatrist. The problem with a personality disorder diagnosis, is that the professionals tend to view everything you say with suspicion. You are cast as manipulative and untreatable. It makes it difficult to share intimate feelings with people who see you that way. Anyway, I can relate to your experiences with the mental health professionals, and I hope you are able to be happy and find your way forward in life. Good luck to you.

I also have BPD/emotionally unstable personality diorder

Hi, thanks for writing so frankly about your BPD diagnosis and experiences. I was diagnosed in 2012 and am receiving treatment which has helped somewhat, but I know exactly what you mean about presenting well to mental health professionals and being overlooked as a result. On numerous occasions I have gone to A and E in a terrible emotional and mental state but because I am well spoken and can "hold it together" they don't seem to do much more than speak to me a bit and send me home. In addition to the treatment I have started to do things like journal, experiment with my creativity, be around animals and try a bit of simple meditation to help myself. I have also had to seek out help for my addictive behaviours with alcohol, food and sex, and the reverse, anorexia (food and sex/relationships) as these behaviours made my mental health much worse and put me at risk in themselves. I still do not trust people very much but I am starting to trust myself a bit more and be slightly less punishing. Some days are very difficult especially if I feel numb and disassociated or have rage attacks. But I am doing some things I care about and understand more why I act like a teenager or a child at times, and find it easier to calm and forgive myself than I used to. It's great that people like yourself are writing openly about having BPD as I believe the more dialogue there is the better.

Borderline Personality Disorder

Hi, I feel disappointed in the NHS in my area. They give you a diagnosis, then seem to turn their back on you, I have had hurtful remarks telling me to 'go ahead and kill myself' to 'if you don't like the service, you don't have to call us then' and then they hang up leaving a distressed person in a more than ever distressed state leading to taking many pills. Is this the way to treat people who are really at their most lowest? It hurts to say the least. I'm now discharged and apparently not treatable. I'm feel let down by those I trusted to help. I don't know where to turn, but I cannot continue being hurt by the NHS, it's like a continuation of childhood. Many people in my area have the same treatment, friends I have made - some have committed suicide. I don't want to go down this route as I never seem to manage it, and it's not really that I want to die, but just to feel better. All the hype about treatments for personality disorder never seem to come my way and seem very hard to get, and then I started three sessions after waiting a long time only too be told I was too severe for treatment so Goodbye we can't help you.

Slowly recovering, learning to deal with personality disorder

Hello, i really enjoy reading other peoples experience and think time for change is so important. I wanted to share some good news, this month marks a year of no self harm, after seven years and six massive attempts on my life putting me in ICU a few times. Those feelings are not there and the relief is massive i have also stated working in a charity shop and have been offered assistant voluntary manager..i am so proud of my self and its really helped with the symptoms of low self image. I still have times i struggle, and still take medication, and still have problems trusting people, and have to watch mood swings, but its nothing like it was a few years ago, i really thought i would never feel like this. I think it helps to really understand your diagnoses read as much as possible, have support friends who care, support groups , a good dr and and patients with yourself and to try as little or as much as you can and try not to be ashamed of your diagnosis , and care for yourself, Thank you for reading.

emotionally unstable

Sarah I was also diagnosed with this illness and have also had negative experiences with mental health professionals. I ended up being hospitalized last year before my diagnosis where a very horrible psychiatrist said I had adjustment disorder, which is situational depression and said the only reason I was "upset" was because of a recent break up. Finding the words to explain yourself feels like hitting a brick wall. He completely ignored that I told him ive been like this since I was 15. It wasnt until after I was discharged and started seeing a lovely psychologist that I was finally listened to. But I feel the same way you do, it was a relief to finally have a diagnosis but at the same time it has been upsetting and scary knowing that what makes me me is a disorder. And after doing research, finding out the bpd is stigmatised even within the healthcare profession and it was only recently that nice and sign guidelines decided bpd should be treated. I thought this was just horrible, knowing how serious and debilitating this illness is and that there are still some doctors who wont help. Thanks for sharing your experience. All the best with your recovery

emotional unstable personality disorder

i have recently been diagnosed with the above disorder which I found out only last week. It was quite a shock and has left me feeling numb and question whether the diagnosis really matches symptoms. As I don't self harm very rarely get angry and am a non aggressive person. Although I do have anxiety and depression.

a course to help with the symptoms

Hi everybody, I too have this condition and have been placed on a "course" specifically for the disorder. Since I am awful at remembering things I am told I know this - It is called Steps, it is nationwide, it runs for 20 weeks, is group based and helps you to deal with the illness in hopes of improving quality of life. I had to be dealt with from secondary mental health services. I start in December and hope that finally it'll help me grab the reigns of life again. I don't know how useful my information will be to anybody but if any one wants to try it or find out about it then it's at least a start :)

Sarah's story

I'm very sad to hear that so many people have had negative experiences. It's so hard to live with this condition and not be able to feel like you're allowed to have any rights or choice over in regards to your own treatment and recovery because of the stigma and the negative attitude some mental health professionals show. I apparently was diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago...and I say apparently because basicially for the past 9 years I've had nothing but bad experiences with mental health services, how is it that that once I get diagnosed Bipolar and then it suddenly changed without my consent and without them informing me of what was happening. From that day on I swear almost every psychiatrist, psychologist and other healthcare professionals I saw started looking at me differently, speaking to me differently and treating me differently! I've literally just be going round and round in circles and not getting anywhere, everything has been a total rollercoaster tbh. I feel that they're quicker to discharge me than see me, and the thing that hurts the most is I feel like I'm always the last person to know things. What have they done apart from passing me from one service to another and repeatedly discharding me! I really do feel for those out there suffering, it is absolutely dispicable in my opinion that there is such oppresiveness and ignorance out there especially commited by those who call themselves care professionals. I'm no longer under NHS services anymore after terrible ordeal in hospital where they ignored me and left me to rot in my bedroom...and then being discharged by hospital, then the crisis team and finally the PD service after my time with them came to an end. I no longer trust MH professionals or the services but I'm just grateful for every moment of peace I can finally get, I have a private therapist now who at least takes me seriously and it finally feels good to be off my meds and not being tossed around like a piece of garbage.

emotionaly unstable personality disorder

i have suffered the same experience as this and it is awfull it drags you down and makes you ten times worse i am 19 years old and sit here thinking to myself will things ever get better, are people going too help me too understand my disorder to help me understand me because im scared of me quite alot of the time dont know where too go where too turn too who is willing to help me... i want a life i want too be happy but how can i be happy when my cpn (community phyciatric nurse) is always making excuses up for the way im feeling she never actually wants too sit down and listen to what iu think the problem is the things is they plant this label on people like me and expect me too just get on with it she says the damage is done now you learn too live with it there is nothing here we can do too help you, so why give m e appoiunments its just constant faulse hope.... its scares me one days i will attempt to take my own life because of the way i feel and wont be able too turn back they need to realise....


Hi Georgie, I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through all this. Please don't feel like you are alone - there are people out there that can help you. Samaritans are now free to call on 116 123. If you feel like you might want to harm yourself you can go to the nearest hospital, they will be able to look after you. As an anti-stigma campaign we aren't able to offer advice on support directly, but you may find these links useful: – Take care of yourself, Tim at Time to Change


That is me!


I was labelled with this condition 9 years ago and since then I've had very mixed and very negative experiences within the NHS. Most psychiatrists don't take me seriously despite having had many serious crisis over that time and at one stage I nearly died after a suicide attempt but still I was discharged without further input or long-term aftercare. I'm now discharged from services and been left all my own after my last episode where I had been depressed for over a year and it got dismissed as nothing but bpd behavior and I was ignored and treated differently in hospital because of my diagnosis. The aftercare that was suppose to have been put in place after my discharge from the CMHT never materialised. I am so sad and frightened and I have completely lost trust with the mental health system.

Recently found out my BPD diagnosis through a sick note!!

Unfortunately this isn't an isolated incident. I was under a crisis home support team and one of the support workers just told me I was being illogical and when someone suggested a hospital stay and I said no because there is nothing wrong with me and other people need it more (because I was on a low) she said "yes, I agree!" And left me feeling completely worthless. And in recent times (yesterday to be exact) a mental health nurse came a visited me because I was threatening Suicide and he just said I was being over dramatic and I should take some responsibility of my life!!! I personally think the lable they gave me yesterday is wrong but no-one listens to me!

Not to sure

Hi there I was attending my phycologist just a few days ago ..I have been under the mental health care on and off since 1982...and like others I have bad days ..down to really sucidal thoughts and everything else that goes with this diagnosis ...any way my phycologist told me to look up emotional unstable personality disorder ...which I did do ..and I can relate to most or all of other people's symptoms ..but no 1 has actually came out and told me what my diagnosis was ..I have been told I had post traumatic stress ..due to severe traumas in my life time ...agrophia ...ect ...but nothing to what I was told to look up so this kind of scares me it can't be treated ...any way my treatment from the health profession has been good all round ...also I can't fault my phycologist or previous phycologist ...but I did ask years ago what's wrong with me ..never did get a straight answer .


Hello, thank you for writing this. I have had a second opinion today and been told by the psychiatrist that it's likely due to childhood etc I've got emotionally unstable personality disorder. This isn't news to me as I have been expecting it due to my own feelings over it. I have found your post extremely interesting especially when you've said about your mentality froze at 14yrs old. I too believe and can completely relate to this! Thank you so much for taking the time to put this into words x

RE: Faceook group

Hi, Thank you for writing this, I have very recently been diagnosed with EUPD, I have tried and tried to find groups for support but have been unable to really find any. I have started my own group "EUPD Support Network" on facebook, should you want to join and share your stories. x

Thank you all for comment

Hi all. Thank you all for all your views and comments. I would just like to say that things have improved alot since this blog. I went into Trauma therapy and this was for 18 months under a none nhs service in my local area. Since finishing this I have found my symptoms are all but gone. I was put under a different consultant and since the i have had a much more positive experience. i no longer self harm and dont feel suicidal as much. I found self help and attending Mental health courses very empowering and can now accept and understand my illness better. i am preparing to start a fulltime Psychology course and can now see a more positive future.

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