April 15, 2014

1 in 4 people are affected by mental health.

I never thought I’d be one of those people.

I plucked up the courage to speak out, but felt humiliated  

Recently I decided to tell someone who I thought I could trust about my 6 year struggle with depression.For years I have kept it hidden from family and friends and in February 2014 finally plucked up the courage to speak out. Unfortunately this was a huge mistake. He was not supportive or understanding as I hoped he would be. I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed in all my life and believe me I don’t embarrass easily.

I have now found the strength to tell my other friends

For the first time in my life I finally opened up and actually uttered the words “ I have depression.” I couldn’t believe it I had finally said it. “I have depression.” And he just stood there. Expressionless. Motionless.I don’t know what I expected. But his reaction was not reassuring or comforting. And as hurtful as that was and still pains me today I won’t let it ruin me.I did a very brave thing and I’m proud of that. And in a way it doesn’t matter now because I have now found the strength to tell my other friends and my mum and dad the true extent of my problem and they have been fantastic and very supportive.

The hardest part is because people can't see depression I feel like they don't think it's real

I know it’s difficult for someone who hasn’t experienced depression to understand how it makes me feel, but the important thing is that they listen. Sometimes all I need is a hug think people think that having depression makes you unstable and their lack of understanding about it makes it that much more difficult to deal with it. The hardest part is because people can’t see depression I feel like they don’t think it’s real. But it’s as real as the nose on my face. The affects it has on my life have been horrendous and extremely challenging but I’ve kept it very well hidden because of the stigma attached.

I'm learning how to deal with my depression

But now aged 22 I’m no longer ashamed or embarrassed to admit I am suffering from depression. And I have been suffering and still am because it affects me at any given day and I can’t stop it but I’m learning how to deal with it.  Truth be told I’ve been lying to myself for the past 6 years, convincing myself that these episodes of feeling tearful, ashamed, worthless were down to hormones and all part of growing up.

One day in 2010 I didn’t get out of bed for 4 days, I barely opened my eyes just lay there wishing I didn’t wake up the next day. As painful as it is to admit that, there have been several episodes of this, and whilst I’ve never attempted suicide, these negative feelings became so dark and controlling I knew that something was wrong and I had to see my GP. It's now 2014 and I’m in the process of having therapy sessions don’t know what to expect or what I will gain from it.

All I know is I want to live.

I do not want to be a statistic.

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Comments

depression

Anna, good for you! In my opinion, this article is important to the wider world for these reasons (and doubtless more!): You admitted you have depression, you "came out", which is brave and sets an example, and will ultimately allow you to take control and lessen any fears you may have of others' disapproval/judgement. The first step to solving a problem (in this case, living with or dealing with a problem) is to admit it. Also, you admit that the response you got was not a hug and words of reassurance but coldness. This is important becuase anyone thinking of "coming out" in a similar way will have to be prepared that they may not get the response they hope for. In the real world, people are often judgemental, two-faced, ignorant... well, they are people! And others may find their seemingly close friends are not so close once they get to know the full picture. However... There are those who will understand or try to learn, those who will support, and those are the real friends and the ones worth staying in touch with. It may be that the depression sufferer has to find new friends and contacts, which is of course not easy, but better that than fake friends who won't be there for you. One last comment... to anyone who wants to do the same thing - if you find supportive friends, try not to overload them at once, if you can, and try to see them at times when you feel better too - it is difficult even for those people who want to help, they only have so much time and energy and a balance is good - so they are your friends in happier times as well as supporting you when the need arises. Thanks for sharing your experience and good luck.

I feel your pain Anna. What

I feel your pain Anna. What I don't understand, though, is how even talking about your depression to people is going to help you overcome depression. My own failures are anxiety/panic/depression. When depressed, I really don't know how to express to others how i'm feeling and, more importantly, how to get my head back in order. I'm told to keep busy so i don't have time to think about negative things, but that's not really an answer. If feeling depressed, i find it very difficult to motivate myself to do anything.

I have/am suffer from

I have/am suffer from depression for the last 3 years. I am 22. i had 2 lots of counselling and it helped me, i hope it works for you. I was at my worst last year in october when i was constantly battling suicide thoughts. All i can say is i've started the journey to happiness. You can too. Just be strong, tell others your thoughts, don't be hard on yourself.

Depression

I have suffered wit Depression for Many Years after a Car accident Then an accident at Work And a Nervous break down in 1998 after My Mum died of lung cancer I was In a terrible state and was Suicidal 3 attempts were made and I ended up in the river If it hadn't of been for The Meath in Godalming Surrey I might not have lived to tell the tale My Life is much better now and I am Very happy Am on 40 MGS OF CITALOPRAM WHICH KEEPS ME WELL.

brave

I think Anna is so brave to speak out. I have had a similar experience where I opened up to a 'friend' about my depression and they were the polar opposite of understanding and helpful. Luckily I have true friends who do understand. Anna, this is a brilliant opportunity to realise who is a true friend. Surround yourself with these people. I just started therapy myself and it's fantastic. It really does help. My mum and my fiancè have both said they have seen changes in me already andI'm feeling so much more positive about life. What I'm trying to say is, there is light at the end of a really long dark tunnel. It does get better. One of the things I've learned so far is look after yourself. Be kind to yourself, and do what is best for you! No one else is going to, it's up to you. I'm not saying become really selfish, but we depression sufferers beat ourselves up alot. Well you don't deserve that, you are brave and strong and deserve to feel happy. One saying that helps me alot is "happiness is not a goal, its a byproduct" It's really true, for me it's getting up and going for a walk, doing some exercise or something creative etc. That makes me happy. So keep striving, setting yourself goals, keep going. You will get there. I'm 26 and have suffered since I was 14. I'm only just getting the help I need. I think if I can do it, anyone can. Well done for speaking out and thank you, because yes it is real, and people need to get educated on it a little better! All the best, Billie x

Anna

Yes, people react differently to mental illness. You want to surround yourself with supportive people not fake people. My Mum has a mental illness and my Dad had epilepsy and I in turn have mental health issues too. Harmful gossip and pure ignorance affects you and we have to not worry what other people think. IT IS VERY HARD. Just treat yourself and the ones you love well. XO

depression

its took me all day to even get myself to wright on hear , alot of things i have read about telling people about being so depressed and it helping , iv suffered from depression for 13 years now have been on medication the whole time even with that i have such bad days going into wks , i told my sister who i thourght would help me and listen but she couldnt handle the stuff i was talking about , iv self harmed to block out the thorts in my head have even felt suicidal , there is just so much gone on and have happened in my family life that i just dont no were to go or do anymore , i have tryed counciling befor but i just diddnt think that was helping the lady was talking about things that didnt even regester with what was going on in my head may be i was expecting to much i dont no but stoped going after a few times and just cant to bring my self to start going agen , i just cant see any end to this illness am i going to feel like this for the fest of my life , god i hope not , i no i need some sort of help but just cant bring myself to bring evey thing up to the serfice what will that do to me , its bad enough now , have to go ,, elaine

Support

Hi there, really sorry to hear that you are finding things hard. We have some support links that you might find useful: http://bit.ly/SuPp0Rt Take care, Crystal at Time to Change

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