I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression and anxiety. I worked in spite of all that. However, due to mental health stigma I was discriminated against and all efforts were made for “constructive dismissal” at my workplace by line management. I have experienced bullying, harassment, discrimination, repeated victimisation, prejudice and am a victim of hate crime through my workplace amongst other things.
I’m writing this to show to others how cruel, horrendous and catastrophic it can be to experience the brunt of these prejudiced and hostile attitudes and actions, especially for someone who is already unwell, lives alone and lacks any support system.
It has destroyed my physical health, mental health and quality of life. I was told time and again by my doctors to leave my job. But, I don’t feel like that I should have to – I love my job! This behaviour needs to be challenged in all the workplaces. I am traumatised, live in fear, and all my symptoms have worsened significantly. I have not slept properly for months, I have nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks, feel suicidal, can’t eat, feel like a zombie and have no life. I was living in fear while at work, even though I could work to a high standard in my professional life because I know my job well and I am good at it. But, now even my personal life has fallen apart and I struggle with it in every way.
I was shouted at, laughed at in hearsay of my colleagues, sent emails making fun of my mental health problems. Even, while in crisis and seeing the crisis team daily, yet I still went to work. I was made fun of, being told that “if I dropped” (while gestures were mimicked of someone dropping dead), my workplace would call my crisis team.
I was not bullied by one person, but a group of bullies. I work for a public sector organisation that you would expect to have a greater duty of care, but they breached even their own policies. If I got ill at work due to bullying, harassment or discrimination, my line management laughed at me to humiliate me further in hearsay of my colleagues and supervisors.
Malicious rumours were spread about me; there were breaches in confidentiality about my case and my colleagues knew that I had mental health problems and subjected me to derogatory comments as a result. I was told that “if the mind goes, everything goes” and much more. Even my supervisors made degrading comments about my condition and health. I was laughed at and mocked by supervisors alike and told that management will think: “you will come here with machetes and guns.” As I was removing something from my handbag, I was asked by the supervisor “is it machete or firearm you are removing”.
If I had to go to A&E when my health deteriorated I was told that we were short staffed and I needed to wait an hour before being allowed to go, even though it was part of my crisis plan. I was subject to name calling (“mad”, “difficult”, “griefy”), derogatory hand gestures were made towards me and I was told that I could hear voices and see things even though that was not one of my symptoms.
When I put in an in-house grievance, I was subjected to more victimisation. This has been ongoing for 24 months now and is open-ended. My physical health and mental deteriorated as a result, and I have been forced to go on sick leave for the last few months.
I have been subject to relentless harassment and discrimination. Even on sick leave, I have received phone calls from my workplace even on a Sunday, bombarded with emails, and received recorded delivery letters 4 days in the same week without being told that I am to be sent any letters. My line managers and welfare officers were changed and I was not even advised of it by the second line manager. It would worsen my anxiety to the extent that I would be scared to leave home.
My workplace even breached my “reasonable adjustments” of making contact only through emails whilst sick. They did everything to inhibit my recovery so that I cannot resume work.
I can cope with work despite my mental health problems, but not with all this discrimination, hostility, bullying and harassment, while at work and whilst on sick leave. It makes me suicidal, causes despair and has endangered my life time and again, causing relapses in my mental health problems. I came close to being hospitalised, wanted to end my own life and had made plans towards that. This trauma from work caused me such immense despair and lack of hope.
My workplace created barriers in me reaching full duty, which is all I wanted to do. Finally, in desperation as a last resort, I wrote to the head of my organisation. If any staff associations supported me, it was clear that they too had been encouraged to stop helping me.
My voice is lost; my workplace has breached all organisational policies and procedures. I have now been given a further diagnosis of personality disorder due to long term workplace bullying, harassment and discrimination. My workplace has breached my human rights by endangering my life time and again, which forced me to go on sick leave and stopped my income.
My job is to work in front line emergency services saving lives, but I was not safe in my workplace. I believe that it is possible and absolutely necessary that the right support is put in place for people with mental health problems in workplaces. 1 in 4 people in emergency services will experience mental health problems due to stress and strain. This ratio is quite high. The Blue Light Programme is being rolled out across the organisation, but it can only be effective if we treat people with mental health problems in workplaces with humanity and dignity.
My question is this: “Is my life any less valuable than my supervisors or colleagues because I have mental health problems and they don’t?”
