When I figured out something was wrong it was too late. It consumed me. I was so close to going through with it until someone rang and snapped me out of the way I was feeling. At the time I thought I had no one, no family or friends. I felt like I couldn’t speak to anyone about my mental health.
I had already lost a close friend to suicide. I’d heard about the high suicide rates amongst men which made me think “why is there no help for men to talk about their mental health” - because at the time I didn’t know how or where to get help from.
When friends used to ask how I was feeling, I just used to say “I’m alright thanks” and nothing more. The stigma around mental health made me think I would look weak or stupid for talking about my feelings. So I didn’t.
I felt trapped and alone, like no-one would understand what I was going through. One day the thoughts going though my head became too much. I lost a job because I broke down and couldn’t handle it anymore. I didn’t get out of bed for weeks because that was my safety area and nothing could go wrong if I stayed there.
When that was happening, my family started to notice and took me to the doctors and I got help. If it wasn’t for this I’m sure I wouldn’t be here anymore. Sometimes you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors but all I can say is be there for people and help them find someone before it’s too late. I have now lost another male friend to suicide but there were no signs or anything noticeable to give off something was wrong.
All I can say is be there for one another because just someone to talk to when you’re struggling can go a long way. Now I’m feeling a bit better about myself, don’t get me wrong I’m still a bit scared going out to places but I’m getting there with help.
I decided to share my story because there are still so many men and women out there who still need someone to help them and to talk to. My depression and anxiety was so bad at the time. I was snapping at everyone, I had no feelings towards anything, I didn’t want to do anything. It cripples you so much that I thought what’s the point in life.
I have a wife and son and I used to think they were better off without me, that they could do so much better without me in their lives. I also thought that about everyone else in my life but now I know that isn’t true. I opened up to friends and family about my mental health and they are all supporting me. Now I’m trying my best for myself to get better. To be honest I didn’t think I would end up like this. It all hit me at once because I bottled everything up for a very long time. Until I couldn’t cope anymore, but with the help I’m getting I’m finding myself again and learning how to deal with things better.
Now, I always talk to someone if I need help instead of hiding it away and keeping it to myself. It can be hard to talk about mental health, but if we all get better at talking about how we’re really doing, we can help to break down the mental health stigma.