April 10, 2013

Man looking out to seaThis is my first blog so I will try to make it inspiring because that is what I like to do, inspire people, inspire them to change and to try to better themselves. I want to be a good role model for people with this condition (I have schizophrenia).

At first I was suffering in silence as I call it, which was awful and no-one seemed to catch on even though I hardly said two words and I wasn’t being myself.

My parents didn’t see the change in me or were maybe in denial but I cannot be sure. Maybe they thought it was a phase or that I would snap out of it soon, I don’t know, but in my opinion they didn’t know.

I started to withdraw from social things and I started to drink which was a really bad idea as I got into a lot of trouble. My friends started to make fun of me because I was being so quiet and that didn’t help; not one of them asked me how I was and that was awful. I had a girlfriend around this time when I was about 15 or 16 but she didn’t know there was anything wrong.

I had problems talking to people

I knew I was having problems but I was in denial and thought that I could handle it and I would be ok soon but it just got worse. I tried to work but it was hard to work when your heart isn’t in it and I had problems talking to people and making friends, which could have got me into a lot of trouble. I was a good worker. I always kept things clean and tried my best despite it all.

Maybe it was just the distraction that kept me going, that and my dad who taught me a lot while I was there as he was my foreman. Then the pressure kept building and building until I couldn’t take it anymore. Things were getting too much and I had a breakdown. That is when my boss took me away to get sectioned and that is when I first got some help with my problems.

Sometimes just a smile from someone can do wonders

I can’t believe no one noticed and no one ever asked me what was wrong. It was as if no one cared or they just thought I could handle myself because I was a grown man. I realize it is hard to tell if someone might be experiencing a mental health problem and a lot of people don’t want to pry but sometimes even just a smile from someone can do wonders; be friendly and try to help them if you can, even just a sympathetic ear.

I wanted to talk but I didn’t want people to know something is wrong; I’m a man and we are meant to be strong and able.

After I got sectioned it was an all-time low for me and our family. I knew things would never be the same again. I didn’t have to work anymore and I had people coming to see me to make sure I was taking medication etc. I still had no friends but it was worse as I stayed inside my room scared of the world. It was very sad but it was all I was able to do at that time. Things did get better but it took a long time.

I am 30 years old now and I am just starting to try and live a normal life or as normal as I can. I take medication and my symptoms are totally under control apart from some tiredness and fogginess. I feel almost completely recovered and I like to tell people that.

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