May 18, 2016

I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in late 2012 after being sexually assaulted by a friend. Prior to this, it had taken me two years to come to terms with what had actually happened and accept the fact that I needed help. I confided in family and applied to see a counsellor.

When the event first occurred, I struggled to leave the house for fear of triggers being set off in the outside world. On occasion, I struggled to even stay on buses due my anxiety.

Whilst it’s true that my family and my counsellor were fantastic support networks, there were still some details which I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with them. My loved ones had already seen me suffer so much, and after an attempt to take my life – I tried my best to protect them from future harm.

There was one person though, who I knew I could talk to. A friend of mine for 4 years (at the time) had always been attentive and non-judgemental and I found myself discussing things with him before I’d even talked about them with my counsellor. It helped that Will lived over 30 miles away, meaning that the majority of our conversations were had over the phone, in the darkness of my own room where I felt safe.

In time, we grew closer and not only did I reveal secrets, but Will also confessed things to me he had never told anyone else. We realised that anxiety was an issue for both of us, and although he had no experience of depression – he was extremely patient and supportive of my issues. 

Eventually, my anxiety decreased and I was able to go out more. As my confidence grew however, my counselling came to an end and I became fearful that I would relapse into low moods once more. Instead of bottling things up like I had in the past however, I confided in Will and he was able to show me that I was stronger than I knew, and I realised that he would always be there for me to talk to.

Will and I are now a couple, we have been together for a year and I am happier than I have been for years. Will has also grown a great deal during our journey, and I genuinely feel like we add something important to the others life. The care and love I received from my family, counsellor and Will means that I am now over the worst of my anxiety and depression. I realise now that what happened was not my fault and that I am indeed strong enough to deal with the bad days when they come (which they do from time to time). I am even going to university this year to study counselling and psychotherapy in the hopes to spend my life helping others.

I was extremely lucky to get the support I did and I have pledged on the Time To Change website to help everyone I encounter who needs it, because everyone deserves the same understanding and compassion that Will showed me. 

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Comments

A deadly secret

Harrie; I hear you....you are lucky to have such support from family and a partner. I have been assaulted twice in my life, by the two closest people to me. The first was ill and over the years I managed to find forgiveness; but the second, knowing about the first, I will never be able to manage my feelings on this issue; it has made me completely immune to having feelings for a man, no matter how much I desire them; it ruined my stability what I had anyway and my ability to ever have a boyfriend. I hope noone else ever goes through this pain, but I am aware that all over the world such injustices occur....I already had bpd, but the trauma made my bpd insurmountable pain and anguish; to the point where I cannot socially function. I cannot find the words to explain the way I live my detached life; only that I do. I cope with the fantastic close knit friends that support me, but that's it. I cope. Because I have to. What else is there to do.

Re: a deadly secret

I am so sorry to hear about your trauma and how it has effected your life. It has been almost 6 years since I was assaulted, and for a long time I didn't have feelings for any man, or anything - now though I am happy. Perhaps seeking help from a professional would aid in your recovery? I know it worked wonderfully for me. For now though, I am pleased to know you have a support network of friends who love you, and I hope that in time you can regain happiness and live your life as you deserve to. People like us know betrayal of the worst kind, but we are strong enough to over come it. Find your self-worth again, we must not let those who hurt us win.

reply

Hey anonymous.. You have a strong point ,that after having failed a few times/many ,we are bound to lose faith in promises or in any actions.But i highly suggest you as a friend ,that you always keep your hopes high.Isn't that is what is meant by being optimistic.Being optimistic means to keep our hope high even after consecutive disappointments.Let us face it,life gives us a whole long round of disappointments.But these problems are only meant to enlighten our fire of hope,to forge it strong.But we can't be foolishly hopeful as well.A friend of mine once told me that we should live with the experience of an adult ,but the cheerfulness of a child.Try to replicate their cheerfulness and filter out the knaiveness.You earned your experience,now u can use it to live like a jolly and cheerful person.You are not able to trust anyone,because you think you are still the person you were back then,when you fell for something unfortunate.That's alright,almost everyone does.But now you are more evolved and smarter.You can certainly find a person trustworthy and nice by analyzing the person first.But remember that we cant keep our hope low,that's how we can cope.There is nothing else to do.(thanks)

Well done

It must have taken a lot to write this and for that I applaud you. More people should speak out about their experiences, especially those in the public spotlight. thefuss.co.uk/celebrities-anxiety-speak-end-stigma/

Nice to hear your problem of

Nice to hear your problem of depression is solved. Music, exercise, yoga are also helpful to get rid of depression.

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