December 2, 2011

Mental illness has affected me terribly for most of my life, and it is only recently over the last few years that I have really been able to begin to reclaim my life and start truly living again.

Over the years I have been through numerous counselling sessions, tried different medications and attempted countless self help techniques to try and overcome my struggles with the several different mental illnesses I have been affected by, including Depression, General Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Phobia and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).

Although even to this day, I may not be completely free from my mental illness, I have come a long way from the dark hopeless days when my mental state was so bad that I felt like I just couldn’t go on.

I'm learning to accept myself, and be happy with who I am and what I have. I hope that by sharing my experiences with others and meeting people who are going through similar struggles, we can overcome our troubles together.

These are two poems I've written about my experiences: "G.A.D and Me" and "Thank you":

 

G.A.D and Me

Dear G.A.D, you destroyed my life...for so long you were my nameless adversary

You hid your identity, I was so lost and confused, yet you showed me no mercy…

I blamed myself, I thought I was losing my mind and that I was suffering on my own

But little did I know that you were tormenting others too… and that I was not alone

 

I spent years trying to find an answer, and to work out what was so wrong with me

But what I didn’t know was that I was suffering - from a mental illness called G.A.D

For so long I didn’t know what I was fighting against - so it was a battle I never won

But when I finally found out who you were… then that’s when the real victory begun

 

Everyday used to be a living nightmare, but now it’s like the dawn is finally rising

The darkness I was once engulfed in… is now being lifted by at long last realising…

That I’m not the freak that I once thought I was, nor am I weak, crazy or insane…

Being aware that what I have is an illness helps me to better deal with my pain

 

And instead of being bitter and angry at all the suffering you have inflicted on me

I will choose to turn what is negative into the most positive thing that I can make it be

I will use my experiences with G.A.D to help others who have been afflicted too…

So they can finally break free from their prisons and no longer be held captive by you

 

I will expose your true identity and throw away your mask so everyone can finally see

The illnesses that you are actually are and how destructive and ruthless you can be

The day I saw you for what you really are, was a real momentous turning point for me

Giving me the strength to help myself and others break free from the chains of G.A.D

 

Although I may not be able to escape you completely and you may always be around

you will no longer steal from me the peace and freedom that I have now found

So I’m writing this letter to tell you, I’m no longer your victim or under your control

You may try to destroy my mind and body, but you will never take my heart and soul

 

This is the end of the line for you, but for me a new chapter has only just begun…

I’m determined to help others in their fight against you and ensure our battle is won

I won’t let you hold me back any longer, or stop me from who I was made to be

 

This is my declaration of freedom and my journey of victory against you – G.A.D

 

Thank You....

I went through hell and back - yet you were still beside me…holding my hand all the way

Even when I had given up - you kept going and reassured me everything would be okay

You took the journey with me and refused to take the easy path like many would have done

You promised to stay by my side and fight with me, until the battle ahead had been won

 

You stood by me and never let go, even when I became a person you barely recognised or knew

somehow you loved me still, reminding me that deep down I was still me  - & that we would make it through...

You never left my side - although I became so difficult to be with and I kept pushing you away

But you reassured me that you would be with me always and you still came to see me every day

 

You brightened up my depressing life and managed to make me laugh and even forget for a while…

how hard life had become and reminded me what it felt like to feel a little happiness again and smile…

So thank you so much for every that you have done for me and everything that you still continue to do…

 

I have so much to be grateful for, that I could never say this enough… THANK YOU! xxx

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