I became a mother for the first time this year. I have struggled with moderate mental health issues, for as long as I can remember. Stigma is something we all come across in our lives, in school, work, our social circle or in public and social situations we encounter.
The worst stigma I have received was during my pregnancy and that was from professionals who aim to provide help and care. Whilst pregnant with my daughter, I unfortunately became very physically ill and spent more or less my whole pregnancy in hospital. Understandably, my mental health history was in my file, but something isn't right when a pregnant lady tells you she feels poorly and you look at her head instead of her bump.
Throughout my stay, I had comments left, right and centre made by professionals who thought they knew me and felt they knew what kind of mother I would become, based on how they personally interpreted a 'label'. A label I have not chosen, but one I will never be made to feel ashamed of. When someone has a physical health condition, they tend to receive understanding, comfort and well-wishes – it is such a shame that a mental health condition seems to bring out the complete opposite in people. An illness is an illness, and no one is perfect. The best way to live life is through acceptance and strength. Acceptance of who you are and will forever be, and strength to push past false beliefs and stigma.
My treatment in my pregnancy due to many professionals simply shocked, hurt and offended me deeply. It was clear they had never thought once about my situation through my view point. Instead I was told that I’m “too emotionally messed up” to manage both parenthood and pregnancy, because of my history. Serious complications and pain related to my pregnancy were dismissed: apparently for people with mental illness “pain is just a delusion” and we often make it up as we are “attention seekers”.
I could not fathom how people in health care would treat a young mother in such a way, due to her simply having a mental health problem. I assumed I would receive the most understanding and support from them – it is a shame I have never received any. Pregnancy is a very emotionally trying time and one that leaves a woman so ill it makes the mountain that much more of a climb. My journey was never going to be simple, but it kicked me down ten times harder when I was judged solely because I was someone that had experienced mental health difficulties.
I am 21 years old, with a 10 week old daughter and my journey has just begun. It seems rare that people reference 'parenthood' and 'mental health' in the same sentence, but it should be stressed, an illness does not define a person as a whole or any role they choose in life. Nor should they ever be made to feel that they do not deserve the life they are dreaming of. Judgement is something that will never fully go away, but I will never give up trying to turn it around. I can only wish in time the awareness surrounding such a delicate and complex issue will improve.
I have struggled with what I would feel is 10 years of difficulties surrounding mental health, but my pregnancy and what I continue to go through everyday has helped me realise that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. When my newborn grows up, I will tell her my story. As strength is something we all have within, when life throws you a tough obstacle you realise the importance it holds in enabling you to make it through another day.
