July 15, 2015

My whirlwind experience of mental health issues started after my mother passed away in 2010. My world was torn apart, and I just didn't know who to turn to. I was only 15, my GCSEs were looming and my hormones were all over the place. My dad was abusive at the time and my brother is autistic so I didn't feel like I could talk to either of them. I was completely introverted for about 18 months, not getting out of bed, not seeing a point in anything and most of all, just wanting to not be here anymore; until I met someone who now I consider to be my lifesaver. My best friend saw what was happening and encouraged me to go to the doctors. They couldn't believe that I had kept it to myself for that long and they were so so pleased that I had come to see them. They were encouraging and supportive straight away. 

I can see a purpose, and I know where I can turn for support

My life since then living with depression, self harm, anxiety and panic disorder has been a complete roller coaster ride. It is times like this when you realise who your real friends are, and who are just friends with you for what you have to offer to them. During the last 3 years, I have had times where I wanted to not be around, and times where I realise that I have my whole life ahead of me. Now, I'm steady, I'm recovering and proud to 'be'. I can see a purpose and, although I still have bad days, I can control these and I know where I can turn for support should I need it. That is the most important thing.

My best friend will reassure me that everything will actually be alright

The way that I can talk to my best friend is a way that I have never been able to talk to anyone else. Just knowing that she is there, always on the end of the phone, or just round the corner should I need her is encouraging. When I talk to her, I don't feel like it always needs to be about how I'm feeling, sometimes it's just nice to have a girly chat or an evening out (if I can manage it) to take my mind off of things, but other times it's nice to know that I can have a serious conversation with her and she will reassure me that everything will actually be alright and that life is, actually, really quite amazing. 
Bring on the future!
HeadforRecovery tweets on mental health and daily life @HeadforRecovery.

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