May 15, 2015

I was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 17, although previously (throughout high school) I had been to see mental health services for adolescents.Matthew's blog Different psychology techniques were used to try and help deal with my mood and my early warning signs: auditory and visual hallucinations, lack of sleep, depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

I was more of the person who would hide myself away

People seemed to be unsure about what it was that I was suffering with and my guess as to why that was the case is because people react to some things in different ways, some lash out and some isolate themselves. I was more of the person who would hide myself away and I suffered heavily with thought blocking so I struggled to get my words out properly to explain what was going on inside my head.

Thought blocking is very frustrating - for example, imagine trying to say a word and then, for some unknown reason, it comes out as another word you were going to use in the sentence you were about to say. Sounds complicated I know but it’s true. Also, voices don’t help in situations when you need to concentrate sometimes it’s like trying to hold 5 conversations at once (not including the one with the actual person you’re talking trying to talk to).

I was bullied by people calling me "crazy"

I didn’t do very well academically at school due to many factors, one of them being that I was psychologically bullied by people calling me “crazy” and telling me “you should be locked away”. People used to whisper or scream into my ear when they were behind me and when I’d turn around to look at them they’d say “it wasn’t me it was the voices in your messed up head!”

Voices began to get stronger and stronger and towards the end of school it became uncontrollable. By the time of my GCSEs I was pulled out of an exam and made to sit in isolation as I became aggravated. The voices distracted me from being able to write anything down and I was noticed to be sitting there holding my head and slurring words to myself.

Schizophrenia is just an illness - I'm still only human

An overall feeling of schizophrenia is that I felt very sequestered from the outside/real world; it’s like being locked away from people and society. A true representation of this is when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia - a wall of voices came on disabling me from being able to listen to the psychiatrist “you’re worthless!” “Why do you bother?” “You’re are so stupid!” “They’re out to get you, they’ll betray us don’t speak!” these are just a few examples.

When you are told something enough times whether it be by voices in your head (which sound very real) or by actual people you start to believe it, “You’re a schizo!” or “You’re a drip!” you give up because it seems like the only option. Getting dismissed from jobs for an illness such as diabetes would seem unheard of, but I got dismissed from a job when I was found to have schizophrenia; it throws you off when you feel like you’re getting you’re life on track. There is a stigma attached to schizophrenia and when all is said and done it’s just an illness. I’m still only human.

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Comments

Schizophrenia

I read this blog with a great deal of interest as my son has been ill for many years, and although never given a formal diagnosis, the initial position seemed to be leaning towards schizophrenia, and certainly from what I know and have learned over the years, many of the characteristics of this illness appear to affect him. He's now in his early forties and has been ill for half of his life. He's struggled terribly through this, although he has recently successfully managed to complete a degree, a feat I once wouldn't have thought possible. Naturally, his illness has impacted upon the whole family, and we are anxious and frustrated, about our inability to help. He will not accept a medical model of help, which I feel is preventing him from achieving his desires for life, including having a family and a partner of his own. Although he's completed his degree, he is currently unable to take it forward, and spends much of his time at home, reluctant to come out. I don't know what to do....

Schizophrenia

Yes mam it's just an illness. People don't understand mental illnesses in this society. People who suffer from them understand them. Jesus was persecuted and we are also persecuted. We need to stand up and speak about mental illnesses and how it's just like having diabetes and to get people to try and understand more that it's just and imbalance in the chemistry in our brain. There are probably a lot of people hurting out there who go untreated because of the stigma that we are crazy. People would get help more if they weren't afraid to because of what people think. It's a sad story so far at least because we have God on our side and each other to get people to try and understand and support with funding for more treatments. There would probably be less suicides if it wasn't for the stigma because more people would get help. I'm thinking about advocating for people who suffer from mental illnesses because my heart goes out to them and I am an individual who has one too.

Lazy River

Upside down mental illness, like ideas lovely people Scientology from a passing strangers point of view an education in Life. Once you go there with God's will ur set Free. Healers and ancient civilization is not unlike us, it's protection over all life. A.i.

I am the same

I am really impressed how similar would be my description of what is happening to me, especially the lines: -- Thought blocking is very frustrating - for example, imagine trying to say a word and then, for some unknown reason, it comes out as another word you were going to use in the sentence you were about to say. Sounds complicated I know but it’s true. Also, voices don’t help in situations when you need to concentrate sometimes it’s like trying to hold 5 conversations at once (not including the one with the actual person you’re talking trying to talk to). -- I wonder when I'd be finally correctly diagnosed, cause is killing me the process to explain to other people how I feel cause the inability of my brain to define stuffs and ability cognitions, whilst the same brain is suffering by it. Antonio

Think i'm schizophrenic idk help?

I'll keep it short-ish, nearly 17 >Bad things happened at 14 >Voices or noises that aren't real but are to me >See figures i can literally only describe as 'shadow people'. Scary as fuck generally motionless, but idk why they're just watching me >You know how you have an 'inner voice'? (your conscience i guess) Imagine like 7 of those and they want you and people around you dead for seemingly no reason, or are just generally hateful >Pretty sure i'm gonna kill myself, constantly think about it (not wanting to hurt family has stopped me so far) >Incredible difficulty sleeping >I forget things ridiculously easily. Example: At youth club, sat outside. Youth worker goes into building from their car, says hi and friends say hi back. 5 mins later max, and i had no recollection of it happening at all. My friend said that i just say there like a mong when they walked past after i noticed they were in the building all of a sudden. I didn't believe them but it's literally the only way into the building so idk any more. Also i just generally have a horrific memory >Anxiety, so reaching out is near impossible. I've told 1 person in about 2% of the detail here. >Sometimes the 'inner voices' i talked about can literally take over my body, briefly (mere seconds) but this worries me more than anything. I've been bullied before and don't intend to be again, talking to people is near impossible for me. Have next to no friends and i can only kinda trust 2. You said here you were more of a person to hide away so you might understand.

Support

Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear that you having a tough time. Please don't feel like you are alone - there are people out there that can help you. Samaritans are now free to call on 116 123. As an anti-stigma campaign we aren't able to offer advice on support directly, but you may find these links useful: http://bit.ly/1Lh54ZT Best, Crystal at Time to Change

You're not alone

Hello I read your comment and I couldn't help but empathise with your story. Last August I started to experience hallucinations very similar to yours. I too had seen "shadow people" who followed me, stood in corners of my classrooms and watched everything that I was doing. I also experienced voices in my head, which often told me to runaway and that my friends would be better off without me. I had four voices, with different names and different personalities. I became extremely paranoid, believing that my friends were out to get me, which included sleeping with something I could use to defend myself (if i could get to sleep that was). My schoolwork went dramatically down and several times I thought of ending it altogether. I contacted one friend who I thought I could trust, however my mum (no idea how) found the email I sent and helped refer me straight to a doctor (I was 16, approaching my 17th Birthday). Despite I was frightened, the psychiatrists were amazing and got straight to helping me with my problem. Initially I didn't want to go, due to I was scared it was Schizophrenia, and that I would have to be put in a mental hospital and on medication for the rest of my life. However they reassured me that even if that was the case, there was plenty of medication that could help control the hallucinations so I could continue with a (mostly) normal life. The good news was I had depression with psychosis and anxiety- which after being put on antidepressants the hallucinations reduced and then stopped. With regards to your problem, the best thing you can do is tell someone you feel you can trust (even if it's just a friend) and they will help you. Knowing that I had people behind me helped a huge amount, and whenever I had an episode they were quick you help. I'm still able to go to uni next year, which if you explain to your teachers confidentially, they will write a letter to a university and persuade them to lower grade boundaries so you can still go (if you wish to that is :) ) It might be the same thing which I have, which means that after some antidepressants (they won't work instantly, but after you adjust to them, or adjust to the right ones) should help. Even if it is Schizophrenia, it's not all over. You will have plenty of people who will be behind you. I wish you the best and that this can be resolved soon. And remember, you are not alone.

to anon..above 17 yr

Hello I have just found these comments searching for information about this illness. I'm not sure how appropriate it is to ask you questions or give an opinion. So forgive me if I'm wrong. But one thing I know for sure. Is I'm lead to believe by some things my son has actually confessed is I need to look up some info just in case. I'm so lost in what to do cause after he had explained moments of voices he also really changed fast in many ways as described in what to expect. Yet bounced around from family and friends houses making it much harder to monitor the possibilities. I've reached out with love concern yet somehow I have become an evil vilin in his mind today. Complete opposite of how my son was not so long ago. Making it much harder for me his mom to do much of anything to help. I'm not in denial of the possibility but have had to take a look that other drugs could be an issue or adding to it. He talks to me in riddles I hope is an ok way to explain. Not wanting to hear or say I love you. Says some very dark very mean things. That I truly rack my heart to figure out. He has moved out of state to an unsafe place harder for me to do anything. I have only ideas of what he may be going threw and it horrible to think he is battling this alone when he has a loving support group. In reality. He is around people now that will not notice to help him get the help he may need. I don't know how to communicate safely with him to not bring on a way of unsafe negative feeling or thinking afraid he may hurt himself or my love will be seen incorrectly. I haven't been able to put a pattern to it. If there ever is one. If there are constant voices if there taking him over to where when I talk to my son. An I getting threw. How do I help. He is 20 years old. And my hands are tied in ways I think. And I don't want my son hurting himself in anyway. I'm very sad and lost and truly need some advice. I've read lots. But he won't give any Insight anymore anymnd is running from it. I don't want to do anything that'll make it worse.

Talking about it

It's often difficult to talk about when it's happening. It's frightening but so too is societies view, and that is all we have. By talking about openly (which can often only happen in recovery of sorts) it means that when it happens to someone else or someone else's child, sibling, parent or who ever, there is less 'shame attached'. There should be no shame in being ill, yet society has labeled mental illness as some form of taboo. This, with the nature of mental illness, has led to it having more power than it should. The key is, this illness hates being talked about. From my own experience, that talking at times has excluded me because that was the nature of the illness. Thoughts, feelings, perceptions and behaviour were all 'ILL' and the power of that illness meant I was unable to have 'insight'. I welcome the idea that mental health be treated like physical health but it's not the same as a swelling in the ankle or broken leg. Think, if your leg were broken and you were aware of it you would seek help, if you were unaware of it you would continue until you simply couldn't any longer. I understand 'not wanting to make things worse' but there are times when our families need to make decisions for us and I understand that can be difficult for everybody involved but I am glad mine did, I am now being treated for my illness. It's not been easy and it has been some of the worst times of all of our lives but it does get better and begins by talking about it. There are people you can talk to who can help

Schizophrenia

You are not on your own,this reminds me of my son what you said made me cry.you are so young please talk to someone you can trust and get the medical treatment you deserve.my son went a year without telling anyone how he was feeling and had the same thoughts as you. He is spiritual and meditates for long periods but he has begun taking medication and both together have improved his condition. The voices are getting quieter and the hallucinations are becoming less active. My heart goes out to you and you shouldn't be coping with this on your own. If you have no family to support you there are other support networks out there,please reach out to them you have nothing to be ashamed of because of what the voices are telling you.your a very strong and brave young person for coping with this but you don't have to do it alone. It may take a long time getting there but one day you will be able to function in this world to suit you and find your bit of peace that makes you happy to be here but you must take that 1st big step and ask for help.Your a beautiful person don't ever forget that don't be afraid.

don't give up hope!

Your post truly brought me to tears..my younger brother was diagnosed as such and was on saphril for some time with very good results but he recently ran out (I was not aware) and has now been off the med for at least a few weeks but things are escalating as each day goes by... I do plan to contact our doctor tomorrow (I am also treating, for depression/panic attacks) so that I can makesure we get the rx filled in the state we have moved to (which I believe is also a trigger for him...). He unfortunately has not been very open about his exact experiences from this illness which is how I found this post...I had no idea what you all go through every day..no one deserves that.. I don't even know if you'll see this but I wanted you to know that there is help and there is hope. Do not succumb to any negativity that your mind feeds you..that is probably the number one thing I could say. That and TRUST your loved ones..these negative thoughts do not control you sweetie. My brother is 22, moved out of my dad's, about to start a new job and has a beautiful girlfriend...none of this could have happened if he didnt get help..I implore you to stay in this world love..if not for yourself, then as an advocate for those struggling as you are..I hope you get a notification for this and I pray you respond.. I would be happy to lend an ear if you ever need someone to just listen with no judgments..if not, i hope you try your best to focus on the positives in your life as much as possible. You have so much ahead of you if you just take the first step and seek help. That was the hardest thing for me to do also but I wouldnt be here if I didn't.. Stay strong love. ♡

similar to my son

Thanks. You just helped me understand my son a little bit more. He's 24 and he suffered a psychotic episode exactly 2 years ago which landed him in hospital. I understand very little of how he feels and the mental health professionals are not labelling him or his condition and I'm glad of that. You have described what i believe to be his inner experience. Of course, I don't know for sure and neither can anyone, so, as you say, it's very isolating for you and him. Schizophrenia? This word does not work for me. It's not helpful. It's old and out of date. I think of my son as having different thinking from others. It's original and valuable thinking that he has and this world, this civilization can do with all the help it can get from individuals like yourself and my son. I prefer not to have a label for my sons illness. I know that it's really, really tough for you but you can learn to contain and guide your mind. Please don't try to end your life. My son tried and he's so glad now that he didn't manage it. It's lucky for him that he's older than you. His age group, 24, are very accepting and maybe thats the kind of people you need to have around you. My son does have a few friends from when he was 16 that still come to see him but he's left behind those people who where not helpful. We are also lucky to have the NHS Early Intervention Service (of psychosis) helping us now. It's been only 2 months since they began to help and the set up is brilliant. Really, really, good. We rejected their offer of help 2 years ago and I suppose we had a stigma about mental health. We struggled through 20 months of difficulty and didn't get anywhere. Don't do that. Get help. It's so good to have people around who know what we're going through. My son is lying on the sofa across from me as I write. Our small dog is lying on top of him and they're comfortable and at ease. We got her from a dog rescue home when you she was a puppy and she's really helped my son feel loved and befriended and less lonely. Please write again. Any description you can give will help me understand a bit more. I, of course, can only describe how it is with my son and from my view of it as well. I hope it helps you. Thanks. Trev.

"Reactive Hypoglycemia" and Schizophrenia link

I am sorry to read about all your very upsetting experiences. My 24 year old son has schizophrenia, and we love him dearly. His suffering is very cruel, and he doesn't deserve any of it. To anyone suffering with schizophrenia I send my love. In my search to try to help my son I have discovered that there is an illness called "reactive hypoglycemia" which can be one of the causes of schizophrenia, and since its research is only properly funded by Charities, I feel compelled to share this information that I have found. It would be worth incorporating this treatment with any treatment that you have been advised to do by your medical team. The treatment on this web site involves a very healthy diet which is very low in carbs. It is similar to the low GI diet for diabetics. But unlike diabetes - this is actually caused by low blood sugar. The roller coaster effect causes a spike in insulin and adrenalin. I have found that the most experienced and helpful professionals who understand the treatment best for "reactive hypoglycemia" are on this American web site. .hypoglycaemia . org (I cannot include the link on this site but you should be able to find it if you type it in the search engine). It is very difficult to diagnose "Reactive hypoglycemia" so you may not have been recognized as having this problem even if you are suffering from it. This is because after having sugar - your blood sugar may go on a roller coaster from too high to too low, and random blood tests can miss this. And since the treatment is a harmless healthy diet, there is no harm in anyone trying this to see if it will help them. However it does usually take about 4 months even on the very strict diet, to start to see any improvements, so please don't feel too disappointed whilst on the diet during those first 4 months. I have found that it is impossible for us to contact them online, as they are too backlogged with enquiries, but all their answers are already freely available on the website any way. And there is abundant information on that web site. I truly hope that it will help all of you suffering with this condition. If the link has been removed you can type into the search engine hypoglycemia . org without any spaces. And then you should find the American web site which will explain why "Reactive hypoglycemia" causes mental health problems.

More understanding of schizophrenia/psychosis needed

There has been a lot of work done to lessen the stigma of neuroses; however, I feel that not much has been done to raise awareness and educate the public about psychoses. I wish campaigns would focus more on informing the public of what schizophrenia is and what it is like experiencing a psychotic episode. It is my experience that people are quite open now about saying they have depression/eating disorder/ OCD etc and yet how many people say they have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. So please 'Time for Change', concentratate on this!

Hi Sarah, thanks a lot for

Hi Sarah, thanks a lot for your comment. Here at Time to Change, we're campaigning to eliminate stigma and discrimination, and our mandate is to fight stigma for all forms of mental illness. Schizophrenia is certainly included in this - we have lots of blog posts on our site in which people open up about their experiences of psychoses (see here: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/category/blog/psychosis)and schizophrenia (see here: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/category/blog/schizophrenia). Our friends at Rethink Mental Illness are also doing some great work informing the public on the facts about schizophrenia: http://bit.ly/1SHdoWL. Take care, Tim at Time to Change

Bloggers comments on difficulties at school. Trouble with voices

I could not complete a course of study because of incipient schizophrenia. Bloggers story is on e f trouble with voices. He feels he is being stigmatized for being ill. Even high functioning people with schizophrenia suffer stigma from others.

hello

yeah I do too have symptoms of slurred speech almost like trying to connect the dots per say with words. I never was bullied as much as alienated because of its evidence in my latter years out of high school, I sympathize deeply with that type of abuse and I believe that everyone has their limits so I understand how you isolated do that a lot too

Our society

I think, our society bring us so much stress, that we develop more mental illnesses: all is so fast and frenetic and we want it all. We should just stop it and enjoy the little things and most important if we have problems we should talk about that and we have the right to be listened. Our society is for the strong, the brilliant, the most sexy and has forgotten the true values of life. I want to say to all the schizophrenics like me, the depressed, the mental ill persons that they are a big treasure for the world, because they learn the values of empathy, courage, kindness through their pain and we should not commit suicide because we are precious even when we not feel like it. We can remind our society this by simply being ourselves and by living by these values. About my story I will just write that I am very lucky because even if I am schizophrenic and I have a medical treatment I am loved and I lost no one of my family and friends because of my illness, all because I stayed true to myself. I now live a normal life.

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