I do not work in a school environment but I do have two daughters - one still a teenager and one who is a young adult.

Over the years, I have heard the use different words to describe friends and peers. I have taken each word on its merits and I guess on whether or not it has ‘pushed my buttons’.

Words that children and teenagers use are not generally meant in an unkind way when they are said as part of banter ... The problem arises I think when they are used to hurt deliberately

The word I most objected to my children using was spastic (spas). They used it to describe someone who did something wrong or silly it was not meant cruelly it was part of their banter language. However, I grew up in age where the word spastic had horrible connotations and was often directed at me as a child because I walked differently, I tackled this head on and told my children not to use the word but also explained why. Neither one my children used the word again and felt uncomfortable around friends that did and went on to explain to their friends it was an unkind word.

Other words that children and teenagers use are not generally meant in an unkind way when they are said as part of banter, the words are all part of belonging to the group. The problem arises I think when they are used to hurt deliberately, although I do realise that if someone is suffering from mental health issues to hear these words used in day to day chat would be painful and perhaps children and teenagers need to be made aware of this and to be mindful. 

The next generation are being made to be mindful of everything they say to the point that they are becoming afraid to speak freely and to use our rich language to express themselves.

I am concerned that we as adults are trying to put right everything in society and to make a perfect world and that this generation and the ones to come are having a lot of pressure placed on them to live in our idea of what a perfect world should be.

The next generation are being made to be mindful of everything they say to the point that they are becoming afraid to speak freely and to use our rich language to express themselves.

I agree there needs to be boundaries but the world will never be perfect and rather than chastising children for using words that we as adults consider wrong and unkind we need to educate them. The education should not be about the words they should not use but rather about what mental health is and how important it is to take care of one’s own mental health.

I also feel there needs to be much more education around schizophrenia which continues to be reported badly by the media. There are so many elements to mental health that I almost feel it is beyond the remit of the school to address this issue and perhaps outside mental health educators should be brought into schools throughout a childs education career.

My daughter has suffered from depression for many years and was brave enough to go through psychotherapy; her school did not make this easy for her. A member of staff ridiculed her in front of her peers called her a nutter, weirdo, drama queen or “oh look the mad girl wants to speak”, or “oh well you would say that because you are mad”.  I am proud to say that she stood up for herself and gave as good as she got and furthermore it was her peers that protected her and told the staff member to stop. She did not want me to intervene she said she had to deal with this herself, as a parent it was very hard to stand back. But she got her A’Levels and went to the university of her choice.

We should educate children, but first we must start with the adults. After all, it is us that created the society we live in.

We should educate children, but first we must start with the adults. After all, it is us that created the society we live in, not the children and they cannot be made to put right all our wrongs and be chastised when we do not like what we hear - they learned it from us.

 

• This blog was written by a mum from our Parent Panel in response to the roundtable discussion in the Guardian Family section: "Take a stand on mental health", undertaken in collaboration with Time to Change.

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