Natasha, September 13, 2018

Picture of blogger- Natasha

If you'd asked me about my mental health a year ago, I would have told you I was fine when really, I was struggling. I had a mental illness and I was hiding it. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want people to think I was weird, dangerous or "crazy". The stigma has resulted in me feeling excluded and unable to fit in. It has made me feel isolated and like there is something wrong with me.

If you ask me now I will tell you I have anxiety and depression, in some ways that's scary but at the same time I've accepted that I have a mental illness. I'll be open about it because I feel like by talking about my own journey I can help change the way mental illnesses are perceived.

Battling your own mind is one of the hardest things you can do. People with mental illnesses are some of the strongest people you will ever meet. Life with depression is like the ocean - it's unpredictable, it can be frightening but there are moments of stillness.

At first it was hard to talk about my illness because I didn't think it would happen to me. I often say that when talking about my mental health, because I didn't. I live in a great city, have a good job, close friends and family and yet it happened to me. I turned into someone I didn't recognise and went from being content myself to being afraid of my own mind. No one ever thinks it will happen to them. They can spend so long fighting alone, living in fear of their own mind. I felt guilty because I thought others had it harder than me. I found it hard to come to terms with that, but I realised mental illnesses do not discriminate, they can happen to anyone at anytime.

When I was diagnosed a weight was lifted off my shoulders because I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt like the bubble that was my mental illness had been popped and it was being addressed. The diagnosis made me realise that my mental health journey had really started six years earlier. When I tried to speak about my panic attacks I was told that it happened to everyone my age and I'd grow out of it. I tried again a few years later to talk about my anxiety and was again dismissed. I was made to believe what was happening to me was normal and I had to simply get on with it.

I don't want anyone to go through or feel what I have. No one should be ignored or turned away like I was. These last nine months after being diagnosed have been full of ups and downs but now I will openly talk about my mental health. If I can help one person or change one person's attitude towards mental health through my actions then that means everything to me.

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Share your story

Too many people are made to feel ashamed. By sharing your story, you can help spread knowledge and perspective about mental illness that could change the way people think about it.

Comments

Fed up

Hi I'm a 15 year old. Life must be fun right? Living in a big city, good at studies, funny, nice, has visited many countries already? Well, no. No. No it isn't. I live in a kind of fear everyday. I think about death when I get up and think about death when I go to bed. I find nothing in myself, to be proud of. I hate myself and sometimes just wish that I disappear from this world. Living is hard. I live to die and I don't know when my body will be free from this storm. I love making people laugh, especially my parents. I love to see everyone happy. But deep inside, I wish someone can notice a small cry of help between my laugh and my talks. My best friend knows and she is trying to help me the most she can I am greatful to have an angel like her in my life. Really love you. But I don't want to burden you or my family So please...forget me. I just want to live one day, forgetting all my pain and hardship. I don't want attention. I just want people to give me advice, so that I can free myself and arise to greater heights. And my respect to all those people who were stuck in depression,hoping to get free and are now, enjoying every single day of their life

Time to Change

Hi, I am really sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at the moment. Are you receiving any support at all? Whilst at Time to Change we are unable to provide support, we do have some useful links on our website that you might find helpful: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-and-stigma/help-and-support. Take Care, Jodie at Time to Change

you are not alone.

i just wanted to say that you are not alone in your pain. i was there five years ago and through talk therapy, completely turned my life around. i no longer have intrusive thoughts, i no longer live in a constant state of fear. healing can happen. i believe you just need to seek the help. find a therapist that can help you work through it all. you can heal and you will. sending you love.

Great post

I love that analogy "life with depression is like an ocean" it's so true.. you really do not know when it's going to hit you and when it'll leave.. I recently started seeing a new dr with my insurance through Insurance Line One. Cognitive therapy is really helpful and it helps me learn to control my thoughts when I have anxiety along with depression

Inspiring Blog

Thank you Natasha for sharing your story. I myself am in the process of creating a Vlog about my experiences with mental health problems and found your blog inspiring.

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