You do not need to be an expert on mental health to be an effective listener

Introversion woven with a cynical attitude towards one’s self can be truly exhausting, especially in social settings. Emily's blog Upon meeting me people have usually commented on how “quiet” and “shy” I am, which can be quite humiliating, although I believe I am finally learning to accept this aspect of myself. Establishing friendships have always been difficult. My fear of being too heavily invested, whilst the other person is detached and indifferent towards the relationship, leaves me unmotivated to initially start them. Moreover, maintaining them when in poor mental health can feel even more overwhelming.

When I am unwell I seclude myself from those I care about

There are periods of time where I cease contact with everyone because I think I could disturb their own wellbeing. When I am unwell I seclude myself from those I care about; which, unfortunately, has caused me to lose contact with the majority of friends in the past. Eventually, it becomes even more demanding to make relationships with others, because once I reflect on how my mental health impacted on past friendships, it leaves me terribly discouraged.

With my closest friend I am given the opportunity to voice my feelings

Since the age of twelve, I have been blessed with an exceptionally incredible friend who has been considerate, patient and respectful towards me, even when I have been intolerable to be around. Through times when my mental illness has been particularly distressing, she has witnessed me alternating between complete withdrawal from the friendship, and me, intensely, seeking her assistance. I regularly thank her for remaining my friend, because I am aware of how poignant my inconsistency in our friendship can be, but I don’t think I can ever justify with words or actions how grateful I am to have her presence still prominent in my life.

She, too, has experienced the invisible plague called mental illness, so we are both able to talk openly about our emotions. Sharing my emotions with someone is uncommon for me as, more often than not, I tend to internalise how I feel, despite my knowledge of how unhealthy it is for me. But, with my closest friend, I am given the opportunity to voice my feelings, without any fear of judgement or belittling. Although I may not necessarily do it myself, she validates and gives me permission to feel the way I do, rather than simply exclaiming, “No! There are people so much worse than you,” or, “You think you’re having a tough week? Mine has been even worse!” which is hugely refreshing.

Additionally, in our relationship we are able to maintain a healthy balance between talking about emotions and talking about trivial things, as she recognises my illness isn’t my defining feature. We don’t share a therapist-patient relationship; we share a relationship that doesn’t focus on my mental health. Whenever I do inform my friend of my worries regarding my mental health, my intention isn’t for her to ‘fix’ me, or to give me a list of solutions; I simply need someone who won’t challenge or try to discredit how I’m feeling.

Patience and an open mind are the only requirements necessary to be supportive

Personally, I find having someone who supports me on the journey I have to reach my full potential - but who also acknowledges the difficulties and can possibly help me across the barriers that I may face - so reassuring.

It’s the little things that count. If you ever are struggling with what to say/do when a friend opens up to you about their mental health, please don’t shut them out. Patience and an open mind are the only requirements necessary to be supportive. You don’t need to be an expert on the subject to be an effective listener.