I was about to take some goods (highly expensive goods!) to Scunthorpe Hospital and I just couldn't face it anymore. It's hard to describe the feeling; the saying “my minds going 100mph” is cliché, but that’s what it felt like. My thoughts were racing, going in every direction possible. It consumed me, taking over my every thought until it became to much. Now, everybody’s response is different; mine just happens to be wishing I wasn't here anymore. So walked out without saying a word, drove home and I was planning on not having to deal with the consequences, if you catch my drift!?
During my life, I have suffered with severe depression. Being a professional sportsman and trying to put up a front all the time became exhausting. I reached the top of my sport, but getting there resulted in my breakdown, and subsequently my suicide attempts and early retirement. The chronic lack of self esteem and while trying to remain confident to family, friends and for my career was too much.
I’m Chris. I'm 21. I've lived with depression for most of my life, ever since I was a kid. I never used to understand the thoughts and feelings that I had. In my teenage years, I started to develop feelings of low self-esteem and confidence that affected my everyday actions and thoughts. I never talked to anyone about what I was going through – ever. I just hid my thoughts and feelings and thought I could deal with it that way. That was such a mistake.
I'm Della. I live in a house share in a different town from my family. I work full time and I have to get through all my daily chores alone and ploughing through the darkness of depression. It's hard, really hard.